The words land hard but I'm still scared. "What if that's not enough?" I ask.
"It will be, because you're already doing the work. You're already choosing to be different."
"But what if?—"
"No more what ifs," she says. "Rush, you have already proven who you are. Look at how you are with Ruby, look at how you are with me. You're protective without being cruel; you're strong without being violent. That's who you are."
"That's different."
"How?"
"Because you're adults. You can fight back. A kid can't."
She touches my chest, right over my heart. "Then you'll teach our kid that they can fight back. You'll teach them that they're safe with you, that they can say no, that you'll never hurt them."
"What if I can't?"
"You can, and you will. Because you're going to be an amazing father." The certainty in her voice cracks something open in my chest.
"I don't know how to do this," I admit.
"Neither do I. We'll figure it out together."
"I'm so fucking scared."
"So am I, but we're doing it anyway."
I pull her close and rest my forehead against hers.
"I love you," I say.
"I love you too."
"And I already love this baby."
Her breath catches. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. I don't know how that's possible when it's not even really a person yet, but I do."
"It's possible because you're choosing it instead of running from it."
"I'm done running from things that scare me."
She kisses me soft and deep, her hands sliding into my hair. When she pulls back we're both breathing hard.
"So we're doing this?" she asks.
"Yeah, we're doing this."
"Even though it's terrifying?"
"Especially because it's terrifying. Because it means I have something worth fighting for."
"Rush—"
"No, listen. Being with you changed everything for me. The future doesn't feel abstract anymore. It feels like something I actually want. And this baby is part of that future."
"You're sure?"