"Will you come with me?" I ask. "To buy the test?"
"Of course."
We go to a pharmacy across town where nobody from the club will see us.
I stand in the aisle staring at the pregnancy tests like they're going to bite me.
"Which one?" I ask.
"Just pick one. They all work the same."
I grab two different brands and we go to the counter. The cashier doesn't even blink, just scans them and bags them up.
We go back to Gráinne's place and I lock myself in her bathroom.
My hands are shaking as I open the first test. I read the instructions three times even though they're simple. Pee on the stick, wait three minutes, check the result. I take the test and set it on the counter, then I sit on the edge of the bathtub and stare at my phone.
The three minutes feel like an eternity.
I think about Rush, about how solid we've been, about how good things are, and I think about how this could change everything. We've never talked about kids, never even mentioned the possibility. What if he doesn't want them? What if this is too much too fast? What if he runs?
My phone timer goes off and I force myself to look at the test.
Two pink lines.
Positive.
I take the second test just to be sure, wait another three minutes.
Positive again.
I sit there staring at the two tests and I can't breathe.
I'm pregnant.
There's a baby growing inside me, Rush's baby. My hand goes to my stomach automatically, a protective gesture I didn't plan.
"Everly?" Gráinne calls through the door. "You okay?"
I open the door and show her the tests.
Her face lights up. "Oh my God."
"Yeah."
"How do you feel?"
"Terrified."
She pulls me into a hug. "It's going to be okay."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do. Rush loves you and you love him. You'll figure this out."
"What if he doesn't want kids?"
"Then you talk about it, but, Everly, he's not going to leave you over this."