"You ready for that?"
I think about it, really think about it.
A few weeks ago I would have panicked, would have used Diesel as an excuse to run.
But now I just feel determined.
"Yeah, I'm ready. Your dad doesn't get to make this choice for you."
"No, he doesn't."
She sits up to look at me. "You mean that."
"Yeah, I mean it."
"Even if he makes it hard?"
"Especially if he makes it hard."
She kisses me hard and deep. "Good, because I chose you too and I'm not backing down either."
I leave around midnight. Everly walks me to the door and I pull her close one more time.
"See you tomorrow?" she asks.
"Yeah."
"You're not going to panic overnight and change your mind?"
"No."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
She smiles. "Okay, I believe you."
I kiss her one more time and then I leave. The ride home is cold and fast.
My mind is quiet, no spiraling, no second-guessing.
The streets of Dublin are empty at this hour and I make good time.
When I get home, I lie in bed thinking about everything that's changed.
I think about the way Everly looked at me tonight, the way she fits against my side, the way she believes in me even when I don't believe in myself.
I think about Tank's words about growth, about standing instead of running.
I think about Ciara's friendship, uncomplicated and easy.
And I think about Diesel and what's coming, the test I know is inevitable.
But for the first time in eight years, I'm not afraid of what's ahead.
I'm not at peace, not healed, not fixed.
But I'm choosing to live instead of just survive.