I force myself to look back at the monitors. The lamp in the corner. The throw blanket folded the way I fold it. My coffee cup in the sink. My keys in the bowl.
Everything is where it should be except for the owner of said apartment, a.k.a.me.
The door opens earlier and later than I want it to, and I only realize I’ve been holding my breath this entire time when I finally see Rollo coming back, and my husband right behind him.
He looks...he doesn’t look like he always does, back then as Nate or now as Nicolo. His hair looks like he’s run his fingers through it a million times. His jacket is missing, and he’s already yanking on his tie as he slowly turns in a circle, taking it all in. His jaw clenches, and so does my chest.
Because even if he’s not saying anything, I can see what he’s thinking, and he’s thinking all the wrong things. He’s looking for evidence of a crime that never took place, of clues that he’ll never find because I’m not the victim.
He is.
And I’m okay with that.
Because he deserves this.
He does.
If I tell myself often enough, I know I’ll believe it. Eventually.
But right now, while watching Nicolo finally start speaking, and Rollo nodding like he’s just making a mental list of who he needs to torture on his boss’s behalf—
I watch his lips move, and I know it’s just me, but it’s like watching something unfold in slow motion. Lip reading’s never been my thing, but it’s like guilt, heartbreak, and loss have suddenly made me an expert—
I don’t care what it costs us.
She’s my life, Rollo.
I cannot lose her again.
Nicolo takes his phone out and starts making calls. I have no idea who he’s calling, but I know that look on his face. It reminds me of that evening—it was the night after we had our first kiss in the basement parking elevator. That evening, he took me out for dinner, and it was a really fancy place, and it was the most romantic thing ever. I honestly thought he was proposing, and in a way, he did—
‘I want you in my life forever, Juniper. But for that to happen, there’s a favor I’d like to ask.’
That favor turned out to be Nicolo taking over my daily schedule, asking me to quit my job as he signed me up forkarateand self-defense. Shooting lessons. A crash course for every type of vehicle there is (I even have a license to drive eight-wheelers, thanks to him!). I went along with it because at that time, I was really thinking we’d be moving to a war-torn country or something.
But now...
As I stare at the ravaged expression on Nicolo’s face—
I realize that the reason he left me, and the reason I hated him, and I’m making him pay now—
All he wanted then...
And all he wants now...
He just wants to keep me alive, and the moment this becomes clear—
“I’m s-sorry, I c-can’t do this, I h-have to go.”
I’m already backing away from the monitor, my heart bleeding from the pain I shouldn’t have inflicted—
Oh.
I bump into something just as hands settle over my shoulders, and it’s Elliot turning me around. “It’s okay—”
“It’s not okay,” I choke out. “It’s not okay, I have to go to him—”
“I know, Juniper—”