In a way I was glad he’d left before he knew. I had to accept the fact that Leo and I could never meet again or be anything more than what we had today.
Part of me, though, couldn’t stop wondering if he could have forgiven me for that, too. Did he not fall for Anastasia and save her even if she was a Romanov? Perhaps he’d have, eventually, after a multitude of punishments that I was more than willing to accept, felt the same way about me.
Greedy. Until yesterday, I had no daring dreams of ever seeing him again. Today, I was confessing my love for him after I was no longer a virgin by his undutiful, unruly, dominant, sickly, beautiful doing.
I had to let him go. I should focus on getting out of here, what I was going to say to the Lanzas when they came—not that they cared about saving me but they’d need intel—and my parents. That was the right thing to do. The only thing to do.
You couldn’t save your brother. You couldn’t save the man you loved. What makes you think you can save your parents?
I wept, pain and guilt tarring me forever. My own self-destructive thoughts and urges banging my skull. My chest tightened with the despair. When did it end? When would it all end?
You can always end it yourself. Any time. Now. No one is going to miss you. Everyone is better off without you anyway.
A shudder took over me as I snapped my eyes closed. I didn’t want to listen.
I didn’t pull the trigger. I didn’t put Leo in the cage. I didn’t pull the trigger. I didn’t put Leo in the cage.“I didn’t pull the trigger. I didn’t put Leo in the cage. I didn’t pull the trigger. I didn’t put Leo in the cage. I didn’t pull the trigger! I didn’t put—”
A thud disrupted me, yanking my heart out of my ribs. I stilled, listening with all my senses. There was another thud, and then heavy steps shuffled in the dark, approaching the house.
Fuck. This couldn’t be the Lanzas. Nicole said she’d only tell them when she was on her way to Chicago. They couldn’t have known what had happened or where I was on their own, could they?
Oh my God. Leo. If the Lanzas were here, it meant they were on to him, and he wouldn’t make it to Chicago. Oh my God. No. Please.
But no. They had no way to track me or them. If they’d been following me, they’d have been here way earlier. This couldn’t be the Lanzas. What if it was some alcoholic thug or a drug addict coming to the abandoned house to use? If they saw me, in this vulnerable state, cuffed and half naked… Oh my God.
I held my breath, racking my brain to find anything I could defend myself with and found none. Shit.
My heart hammered with every approaching step.Please don’t come to this room. Please don’t see me. Please don’t—
“Doc!”
I flinched and jumped at the voice I thought I’d never hear again, questioning my sanity. Was I hallucinating?
Shadows danced at the entrance and then a tall frame blocked the very little light coming from the moon and streetlights. “It’s me, Ravenna. I had to come back.”
“Leo?” I whispered. “Is that really you?” Or was I imagining the whole thing?Because that’s exactly what I wish he’d say if he ever came back. That he couldn’t leave me behind and had to come back for me.
He shuffled in, and I noticed he was holding Nicole, who seemed to be unconscious. “I need your help. Nicky keeps passing out. I don’t know what to do.”
Of course. Why else would he return? It was never for me. I’d never be important enough for him to take any risks or change his plans.
He laid her down next to me on the bed and turned on a flashlight, focusing it on my face. “Is she still in shock or something? Some sort of PTSD after her husband’s death?”
I winced, annoyed by the light outburst and his insensitive, infuriating behavior. He didn’t even bother to check on me. And why the fuck would he think I had to help just because he said so?
“Ravenna, are you listening to anything I’m saying?”
“You left me behind, all alone, fucking bound with only a jacket barely covering my naked body, without any kind of weapon I could use to protect myself, any means of communication to reach out for help, and you just expect me to answer every one of your demands just so you can leave me behind again once I do.”
He chuckled bitterly. “How easily they forget.” He bent, staring at me angrily. “After what you’ve done, you’re lucky I left you breathing.” The gun shone in his hand, now visible in the bright light. “Don’t make me regret my decision.”
I swallowed, nodding, fear and guilt snatching my breath. He was right. He’d have killed me, but he didn’t for reasons still unknown. I shouldn’t be complaining. “I’m sorry.”
“Fuck your apology. I don’t need it. What I need is for you to fix her so I can never see your fucking face again.”
I fought my tears, pain squeezing my heart, as he scoured for the keys. He freed one of my wrists and gestured at Nicole. “Help her.”
I checked her pulse, breathing and temperature. She was cold, her heartbeat rate lower than normal. “Has she been drinking water or eating anything?”