I snarled. How could a father fuck his son over like that? How could he do all these horrible things and act like he was a caring, loving human fucking being? Why was I in a cage, hated and forsaken, when he was the one that pushed me over the edge into the black hole of the world he ruled? How, after all the damage he’d done, could Lina choose him over me?
Fire seared my insides, eating what was left of my soul. “Think about it, Nicky. I didn’t want to be a made man. I’d stayed away from the Mafia all my life until I fell in love with your sister so much I gave up my good life for her.” And he fucking took her away from me. “I went through with my initiation just so he’d protect her until I could. And he agreed, using my love for her only so I’d be his underboss, even though he wanted her for himself all along.” My smashed hands clawed into maimed fists as I tugged at the rusty chains. “Even though he had no fucking intention of letting her go.”
“Shut up.”
I groaned with pain and wrath. “And then there’s you. You loved your school and hated the Mob more than anything. How did you end up marrying a sick fuck like Domenico before you even graduated? I take it it wasn’t your choice, and I have a good guess who forced you into it, until you no longer knew yourself, until you’ve been shaped into what he always wanted you to be.”
“I said shut up.”
“After a while, it makes you think the world you’ve long rejected has been what you’ve always wanted right from the start, thinking he was doing you a favor, opening your eyes, forcing you to see what you didn’t want to see foryour own good. Sounds familiar? It sounds too fucking familiar to me.”
“Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!” The shovel bellowed against the bars, echoing her anger, mirroring mine, before she fell to her knees.
“I could see it on your face, fucking hear it in your voice, Nicky. How much of a fool you think you are, and how much you fucking hate my father for getting you here, for letting you get used like that.” I knew it because I felt as irrelevant and stupid as she felt. “Everything that has happened was because of him. I know how much you want him dead. I know it because I feel it, too. Another thing we have in common. Our hate for Sebastiano fucking Bellomo.” Although no one would ever hate him as much as I did.
She didn’t say anything. She wasn’t looking at me anymore. But I knew she listened.
“I should have never shot at your sister. It was the worst mistake I’ve ever made, and I’m paying for it with my life.” I meant that. They said people like me didn’t feel guilt or remorse. They said we were incapable of love, too. I wished it’d been true. I wished I’d never fallen in love with Lina or Sia before her. I wished I hadn’t been eaten by all that regret. I should have learned from my mistake with Sia. I should have learned to control it. But how could I’ve let my wife live to breathe another man’s air? How could I’ve let her heart beat with another man’s name?
“If I got a do over, I’d make it right.” I meant that, too. Even if it was the last thing I got to do. “I’d kill Tino Bellomo, and I didn’t care if I was shot dead right after it.”
“Shut up, you son of a bitch,” she whispered. If I didn’t know her well enough, I’d think she was sobbing.
She didn’t want me to shut up. She wanted me to live up to my word. I was one step away from getting Nicky to put our differences aside so we could get what we both had wanted since my father dug his stinky claws into my wife. So I could finally be free. “Domenico always comes from this door, the one that opens to your playroom. He never enters the way you came in. That was only for the soldiers who clean up after him. It’s been two days since they changed the buckets, which means they’re not coming today—”
“No.” She jumped to her feet, but her eyes flickered toward the playroom door.
C’mon, Nicky, be a good—or bad—girl, and take the bait. Get me the fuck out of here. I know you want to.
“No!” She jabbed a finger in my direction. “I know what you’re doing here, but I’m not falling for this shit. You’re no better than him. You’re no better than either of them. If anything you’re worse. I won’t be used or manipulated again. I’m not falling for this shit!”
Worse? How was I worse than Don Bellomo, the fucker who burned people alive, who got his wife and unborn baby slaughtered because of his greed, who stole his son’s bride, who fucking raped my wife, her sister, and ruined all of our lives?
How was I worse than the Lanzas’ animal, the sadist who flayed his victims and fed them his cum before he chopped them to pieces and fed them to the coyotes, the man who had been using his wife for revenge?
Yes, I had no control over my compulsions or anger. Yes, I hurt the people I loved. But my father and her husband were no different. Besides, had anybody tried to see how those I loved the most had hurt me first? How had they torn me to pieces with their lies, deceit and betrayal? How had they taken everything from me and left me all alone?
I might be an asshole, a psycho fuck, the bad guy, but I wasn’t the only one. At least, I was trying to fix that one mistake that brought everything to the ground. “I’m the only one who can take down the man we hate the most, and you know it. I’m your last chance at it, Nicky, so let me do what I was supposed to do a year ago. Let me fix it for the both of us.”
“It’s too late.”
“No, it’s not. If Tino is gone, the Lanzas would no longer care about retaliation on any other Bellomo. You’ll be free. You’ll get your life back.”
“What about my sister?”
I smiled internally. That question only meant one thing. Nicky was considering helping me escape. I just had to choose my next words carefully and say the right thing to convince her to open that cage.
“I know you can’t trust me, and I’m not stupid to ask you to. But use your head. I have no crew, and he has an army and the Lanzas to take me down. I’d be shot on the spot before I’d even blink, let alone do anything to your sister…but I won’t let them shoot me until I put a bullet in Il Lupo’s brain first.” The picture of my father’s head and blood splattered on a wall sent a jolt of ecstasy through me. I glanced at the playroom door. “Domenico hasn’t returned yet, which means he isn’t coming back tonight. He never takes that long of a break. If you hurry and use that shovel, you can break the lock and shackles in no time.”
“I can’t do this. I’ll be a traitor. They’ll kill me. I can’t do this.”
“No one has to know. Just get me out of here like they do with the shit. If we get caught, I’ll say I forced you. I’ve been banging those bars with my feet and loosening up the shackles for a while now. You could say I broke the cage and stole that shovel from you, threatened you or whatever.”
“No. No. Jesus, you’re the fucking devil.”
“If I’m the devil, what does that make of Don Bellomo?”
Her silence told me I was close to win.