I've known for days and been too terrified to admit it.
My period is late. Three weeks late.
No. Please, no.
Tash visits that afternoon and notices something’s wrong. Thankfully, Lev had agreed to her visit, saying I needed a semblance of normalcy.
We're having tea in the sitting room—a weekly ritual we've maintained despite everything—and she's chattering about some drama with her father's organization when she stops mid-sentence.
"Val. Are you okay? You look awful."
"Thanks." I try to smile. "Just tired."
"No, seriously. You're pale. And you barely touched your tea." Her eyes narrow. "When's the last time you ate properly?"
"This morning." A lie. I couldn't keep down breakfast.
She studies me for a long moment. Then her expression changes. "Val. When was your last period?"
My stomach drops. "What?"
"Your period. When was it?"
"I—I don't remember. Things have been chaotic—"
“Valerie Novak?"
I can't meet her eyes. "Two weeks ago. Maybe three."
"Maybe three." She repeats it slowly. "And you're nauseous. Exhausted. Emotional. Val, I think you are—"
"Don't." I cut her off. "Don't say it."
"You need to take a test."
"I can't—"
"You have to." Her voice softens. "You need to know. You can’t ignore it."
Tears burn my eyes. "Tash, if I am—if this is real—it'll destroy everything. Lev barely trusts me. We're just starting to rebuild. And now I'm supposed to tell him I'm pregnant?”
"Or maybe it's exactly what you both need."
"How?" The word comes out broken. "How is this anything except another disaster? He'll think I did it on purpose. Trapped him. Used a baby to secure my place here."
"Did you?"
"No! God, no. I didn't—we've been careful—he got me birth control—"
"Which fails sometimes." She reaches for my hand. "Val, you need to know. And then you need to tell him. Before he finds out another way."
"I can't. Not yet. Not with Patrick still out there. Not with everything so fragile between us."
"The longer you wait, the worse it gets."
I know she's right. Know that hiding this will only make it worse when it inevitably comes out.
But I'm terrified.