No. Not think. I am in love with you.
That should’ve scared the ever-loving shit out of me. But it didn’t. It sat heavy in both my heart and my gut. I loved this man. As improbable as this was. Hell, I’d started falling that first night in the hotel—before I’d known who he was. The trust he’d placed in me—a total stranger—when he’d dropped to his knees. That look of longing when I’d left that night after our playing and fucking. All the glances ever since. To think we’d held off going to bed again for weeks and weeks. Even now, I couldn’t believe we’d gone to bed so often in the past couple of days.
We weren’t fucking. Well, we were…but we weren’t. At least not for me. I was making love to him. Even when I was drilling him into the mattress—I did it with love and affection. Things I couldn’t show him.
He shivered.
“You want to go back?”
He shrugged. “It’s kind of fun watching these, uh…”
I cocked my head.
“I’m not supposed to saycrazyorinsaneor evenstupid.”
“That’s true. And I’m proud of you for that. Plenty of guys on the ice would do just that.”
“I have to set a good example. Mental illness is real.” He rubbed his forehead. “A guy I played with—” He sniffed.
I wasn’t convinced that wasbecause of the cold.
“Like, he’s okay now. But his kid died. Neuroblastoma. My friend went to a really dark place. His wife—who was also grieving—had to stage, like, an intervention. Three of us went down there and talked him into getting help. He just kept saying over and over that he’d rather it had been him.”
“Shit.”
“Right? They had two other kids. He had a wife who adored him. Hell, he even had two aging parents who needed him. But he just circled around the idea that his kid should’ve had a chance to live.”
I cleared my throat. “Did you go through a rough time? When your marriage ended? Or when your parents died?”
“Nah. Well, not really. Not like wanting to die. Just a real disappointment. That I’d picked the wrong guy to marry. That I’d made a series of decisions that led me to where I was. I had won the Cup—and my home life turned out to be a disaster. I couldn’t tell anyone. So much was riding on me being perfect.”
I yanked him into my arms.
He stiffened.
“We’re just two spots on the horizon hugging. Likely to share body heat.”
The laugh was a little watery.
“You lost something that meant everything to you. And I wonder if you’ve grieved it. Or if you just moved on and took the next step in your career.”
“A career that means everything.”
His words were warm against my cheek.
Well, just in case things weren’t abundantly clear—they are now.
We couldn’t have had something.
My mind was made up even as my heart rebelled. As much my chest grew tight.
A particularly strong gust of wind blew in, and someonetumbled off their board. They went under for a moment before resurfacing and swimming over to their board. They grabbed it and headed to shore.
“Okay, even the crazy person is calling it a day.” I squeezed Jack once more. “Let’s go back.”
We did. Hustling along the way to generate some warmth. When we hit the house, though, Jack gazed at his watch as we stripped out of our layers.
“It’s too early for lunch. Game’s not until tonight.” Earlier here, because we were on the West Coast and the thing was in the central time zone. But still late enough that we’d be contemplating dinner. Pizza, we’d agreed. With a beer. Or maybe two.