“Is this new for you?” he asked softly. “The aftercare?”
I swallowed. “It’s all new.”
His fingers stilled in my hair. “Even this part?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“But…” He hesitated. Then his fingers started again, carding through my hair in a gentle, repetitive motion that could’ve put me to sleep. “What about after sex? You don’t… There’s nothing?”
I half-shrugged. “Some cuddling, I guess? Sometimes?”
“Oh.”
Something about his puzzled tone made me curious. I shifted onto my side so I could see him, and he mirrored me. “Is that weird? Not doing this?”
“I don’t know if it’s weird. But…” His eyes lost focus, and I gave him a moment to gather his thoughts. When he apparently had, he whispered, “A lot of people think aftercare is only for kink. And like, yeah, especially after an intense scene, it’s critical.” He ran his fingertips down my cheek. “But it should be part of sex, too. I mean, what’s the point of getting that intimate with someone, and then shoving them to arm’s length right after you come?”
I hadn’t thought about that, but maybe he had a point. Some of my hookups over the last few years flickered through my mind, along with the cold, empty“that’s it?”I’d feel every time. I’d thought the sex wasn’t scratching the itch. It was intense and incredible in the moment (well, sometimes; I’d definitely been with some duds). Afterward, though, I’d be staring at the ceiling and wondering how something so hot in the moment could be so disappointing after the fact.
Devon’s comments made those encounters snap into focus in a way I’d never looked at them before. It wasn’t that the sex was lacking—it was how the guy might head out to his Uber before the dust had even settled. The passion and orgasms had been there (almost) every time, but they didn’t stack up to much when the other side of the bed was cool and empty.
“Jack?” He touched my face again. “You still here?”
“Yeah. I’m…” I sighed and met his eyes. “Starting to see why some of my hookups weren’t doing it for me.”
He furrowed his brow. “How so? Because they weren’t dominating you, or…?”
“Well, that. But also, there was none of this.” I rested my hand on his waist. “I never really cared if a hookup stayed over,and I never expected… you know, cuddling or affection.” I swallowed, watching my palm drift up and down his side. “Maybe I needed that more than I thought.”
“Maybe. Sex doesn’t always have to mean love, but it shouldn’t leave you feeling more alone than before you got into bed.”
His words brought a sudden lump to my throat, and I was startled by the sting in my eyes.
“Come here,” he whispered, and gathered me in his arms. I didn’t fall apart, but I did let myself be reeled in, and I sighed as I settled into his warmth. Ironic, I thought, that no man had ever made me feel safer than the one who’d delighted in causing me so much pain.
Because he wasn’t in this to hurt me in ways I didn’twantto be hurt.
That was the crux of it all, wasn’t it? That he happily indulged my masochism and his own sadism, but all well within my limits. Intense, overwhelming pain wrapped in care and consideration I’d never received from men whodidn’tleave marks.
“This is amazing,” I murmured against his shoulder, my voice thick but steady. “All of it.”
Stroking my hair, he sounded pained as he whispered, “This part shouldn’t be a novelty.”
I shrugged because I didn’t know what to say.
Devon sighed. “For the record,” he said, his voice as soft as his touch, “aftercare iscrucialafter a scene like that. Like, non-negotiable.” He kissed my forehead. “Any Dom touches you like I did and then doesn’t take care of you afterward—he has no business calling himself a Dom.”
Confusion swept over me. I understood what he was saying, but… Devon would clearly never neglect me like that. Whoelsewould be dominating me but him? Who would touch me like he did besides him?
Except…
Right. Right, I remembered why Devon and I were here in the first place. What this was, and most importantly, what it wasn’t. We had this week and only this week. The whole point was for me to figure out what it was I needed from him so I could find it in someone else.
But lying here now in Devon’s strong, protective arms, my body aching and exhausted from his delicious torment, I couldn’t imagine kneeling for anyone else. I couldn’t see myself letting anyone but him inflict this much pain and pleasure on me while I begged for more.
I couldn’t fathom even thinking about giving someone the control that I eagerly surrendered to Devon.
Sanjay’s gentle but unwelcome voice echoed inside my head: