Only the question I’d asked myself a million times. “He’s out.”
“Right.” A word he was, this afternoon, apparently fond of.
“I’m not really out.”
“That’s a distinction without a difference. You either are or you’re not.” He scratched his nose. “Either the entire world knows you’re queer or they don’t. The fact that you’ve never been spotted hasn’t been relevant until now.”
“Because no one knew who I was.”
“I was going to say because they didn’t care, but you’re pretty cute.”
I swatted him with my pillow.
“Hey.” He howled in mock outrage. “You know I only sleep with pretty boys.”
Which was completely untrue. As much as Mickey enjoyed attractive men, he also liked guys with great personalities and amazing senses of humor. He tried to come off as a snob—but he totally wasn’t.
“Jack’s out and I’m not. He’s way braver than I am. He was the first one in the League to be out.”
“He also won two Cups.”
“So you think if I win a Cup in my rookie season, then I can come out?” To me, this possibility had merit.
“And what? You can still be sent down. He’d still be your coach. Best I can see, that’s still a conflict.”
I’m resigning at the end of the season.
Mickey stilled. “What? Are you going to be traded and you haven’t told me?” This time, he didn’t bop me with a pillow.
Likely because he saw the serious expression on my face.
I frowned. Then I bit my lip.
He caressed my cheek.
I sniffed. “He’s quitting as the Abbotsford coach at the end of the year. For me.” Or at least that was how I interpreted his decision. Because Abbotsford was on a hell of a winning streak. When he’d made the decision, there had just been a few wins. Now? He’d racked up a whole bunch, and although the playoffs were still likely beyond the reach of the team, he’d be heading into next season on a high note.Yet he’s giving that all up. “What do I do?”
Mickey shrugged. “Win the Cup?”
“So I can come out?”
“So you’re bulletproof in case that Hairs dude makes trouble.”
“Nothing’sbulletproof, Mickey. You know that. I might get sent down if I’m too much hassle. I might get traded entirely.”
“Sure—”
“Or my relationship with Jack might be revealed, and we mightbothlose everything.”
Mickey leaned over to press a kiss to my forehead. “Can you sleep now?”
A tear slid down my cheek. My friend’s exquisite gentleness always ate away at me. When I’d felt alone in the world after Mom’s death, he’d always been there for me. He’d loved me in a way my foster parents—and coaches—just hadn’t been able to. “I love him.” A broken whisper.
Mickey shifted so he could pull me into his arms. “I know, babe. I know.”
The stream of tears fell. I hadn’t cried like this, except when missing Mom, in a really long time.
He held me until I drifted into a fitful doze.