“Da!” he yells as soon as he sees me. As fast as his little legs can carry him, he runs to me. I scoop him up and spin him around.
“I missed you, bud.” I’m two seconds away from crying. My emotions are all over the place. Ollie grips my face with his chubby hand and babbles a story to me. He only has a few words in his vocabulary, but that doesn’t stop him. I understand eat, bath, and night night. Ollie has always been a very expressive baby, and the way he throws his arms around as he tells me about his adventure shows me he’s happy.
“Good morning, Colton.”
I turn as Xavier gets up from the floor.
“Hey, sorry you got stuck on baby duty. Thank you,” I tell him.
“Oh no, I didn’t get stuck. I volunteered. Ollie is great. I love playing with him.” He smiles at Ollie.
After giving me one last hug and a very wet kiss to the cheek, Ollie wiggles until I put him down. With a war cry, he launches himself at the large pile of stuffed animals. I can’t hide the slight wince as I stand back up.
“Are you okay?” Xavier places a hand on my upper arm, a look of concern on his face.
“Um, yeah, fine. I, um…” The same wave of embarrassment that hit me last night rushes over me again. I can feel my cheeks heat. Xavier’s concern changes to a knowing smirk.
“Looks like someone had a good night,” he teases. I look away. “Hey, are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
“No, nothing like that.” I run my hands down my face. Xavier has been nice to Ollie and to me. “It was, um… my first time.”
“Oh. Ohhhh.” Realization hits him. “I get it.”
“This is so embarrassing, but could I ask you something?”
“Absolutely. Don’t be embarrassed. My first time, I was a wreck afterward, but my friend Blake helped me.”
“Okay,” I decide to just go for it. “It was the best night of my life. But right afterward I had to, um… go to the bathroom,” I try to explain. I stutter out the last part.
“That’s natural, especially for your first. I thought I was going to shit the bed. I ran to the bathroom so fast I fell on my already sore ass because I got tangled in the sheets.” He laughs at the memory.
I let out a heavy breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “That’s exactly how I felt. Ronan was going to grab a cloth, but I shut myself in the bathroom instead.” I glance at him and then back down when I ask my next question. “What about the soreness? Will it be like this every time?”
“It’ll get better. I’ll text you the names of some of the oils and creams I use. Was there any tearing or bleeding?”
I shake my head.
“Then you’re good.” He studies my face. “What else?”
“That’s it. Thanks. For some reason, I didn’t want to Google it.”
“No, there’s more. You don’t have thatjust-been-fucked-and-it-was-the-best-thing-everlook. You have theI’ve-just-been-fucked-and-I’m-confusedlook. And I don’t think it has anything to do with biology.”
Ollie plays contentedly with the dinosaur stuffies as I contemplate what to say. I’m not used to having someone to talk to.
“Look, you don’t know me, and I get it. I’m engaged to a Murphy, and it can be a lot to handle. You can talk to me, and I won’t break your trust.”
“I don’t think I will ever have to worry about being engaged to a Murphy. Ronan got what he wanted last night.”
“Why do you say that? I’ve seen how he looks at you.”
“This morning, he’s distant. He hasn’t touched me. The only conversation that we’ve had is about the cult and my parents, and even that was brief.” Tears well up in my eyes.
Xavier doesn’t say anything, just steps to me, and wraps me in his arms. I’m mindful of Ollie; I don’t want to upset him by being upset myself. I let my tears flow as quietly as I can.
“You’re wrong,” a voice says just before a hand gently rubs across my hair. I pull back from Xavier to see Alessia standing beside me.
I look down at her hand and see the baby monitor she is holding. Fuck, she heard everything. Could my day get any worse? Breathing is suddenly hard for me.