“We don’t have to. You’ll be super exhausted, I’m sure.” Maybe playing along didn’t work out all that well.
But I suppose my excuse made sense. I imagined hockey being exhausting. Besides, weren’t the playoffs just around the corner? I was sure those were important. And wasn’t the Frozen Four this huge thing in the college hockey community?
Eden cocked his head at me. “I’m always down for a party, Ally-Bear.” His gaze lingered on my lips for a second before moving up to my eyes. “Plus it gives me a chance to show you off.”
“Well, okay then. If you want to go, we can go.” I nodded slowly, but I was so over talking about parties and Austin that I decided to change the subject entirely. “Do you want to do this whole ice hockey thing professionally?”
After having listened to his family talk back and forth about how awesome and awful the NHL life was, I’d been wondering how Eden felt about it. I mean, his dad didn’t play for the NHL, but surely he saw what it did to everyone else?
Guess my question must’ve really caught him off guard because his eyes widened slightly. His lips parted in either shock or surprise and he was hesitating to reply.
Maybe he thought that he had no other choice, or he never really thought about it before. Either way, his expression looked odd. If he truly loved hockey as much as everyone else did at the table, shouldn’t he have been sure about what his answer to this very question would’ve been?
“I uh… I don’t know,” he admitted eventually, almost looking guilty as the words left his mouth.
“What’s your other option?”
A slim smile formed on his lips. “Taking over my dad’s restaurants.”
Hm. The smile, although slim, looked far more like that was what he wanted. “What if your siblings want to do that?”
“They don’t,” he answered, and confidently so. “I mean, Brooke’s happy with coaching. Elliotbreatheshockey. And Nova… honestly, I’d be surprised if she wanted to be a chef for a living. She’s far more into fashion and modelling than cooking. Besides, I guess we could split them. Dad has a few.”
“So, what’s your relationship with hockey then?” I always thought he loved the game and that he loved being a goalie. There wasn’t a single time I’d heard him complain about any aspect of it. Not even when it was just the two of us.
But then again, Ilovedphotography, yet I could always find some things to complain about.
Once again, his eyes filled with guilt. His gaze fell on the water, his slim smile disappearing immediately.
I just wanted to go over to him and hug him so tightly that all his worries would melt away. But I couldn’t.
Eden took a deep breath, his shoulders tensing. “I love hockey, I do. But sometimes… it just feels more like a chore rather than something I want to do.”
He paused, his gaze lifting to mine. “It’s not the game itself, you know? I love the adrenaline rush, the teamwork, the competition. But it’s everything that comes with it. The pressure, the expectations, the sacrifices…” His voice trailed off, a hint of frustration in his tone.
“Sacrifices? You mean, being away from your family all the time?” I asked to clarify. I guess it was the most annoying fault I heard his family talk about.
He nodded, then shook his head. “Yeah, but also my privacy. I mean, it’s not like NHL players are thesehugenames thateveryoneknows. But I’ve seen what happened to Grey. He was probably one of the first openly queer guys in the industry, and it must’ve been horrible for him in the beginning. I was still a baby then, so I don’t remember much. What I do remember—because I was a little older now so it had beenyears—is him being so on edge every time a new article dropped. He couldn’t even be seen with his husband without it being talked about online. And Colin and Reece? God, the amount of shit they got for playing for the Rangers is insane. All because their dad used to be the head coach of the team once upon a time. People were even sendingdeath threats to Sofia when Aaron announced their first kid being born and the Rangers congratulated them publicly.”
That did sound horrible.
“And like…” He let out a frustrated sigh. “While I do tend to be very unlucky when it comes to love and stuff, I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship but at the same time barely being at home with her, you know? I get super clingy—though if you tell anyone I said that, Iwilldeny it.”
I chuckled. “I’ll post about it right now. Where’s my phone?”
His eyes sparkled with amusement, but he still looked a little sad.
All this time, I thought the hockey life was easy. That it was glamorous and the players got paid so fucking much for barely doing anything. To be fair, I never paid hockey any attention either, so the fuck did I know?
Point is, I really didn’t think about how much these players and their spouses were sacrificing for one silly dream.
“I can’t imagine going through anything remotely close to what they did,” he added.
Fuck it.
I moved over to Eden, and though I was partly convinced he was going to push me away, his hands instantly laid on my waist, and he pulled me down on his lap.
I was going to complain and move off him because I was a little scared he’d realize how heavy I was, but Eden’s grip on me was so tight, I couldn’t have moved if I tried.