Eden chuckled. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly when I picked you up earlier.”
“I… there’s probably a much more logical explanation for your, uh…”
“My boner?” he spoke, his voice filled with amusement.
Was this a joke to him? Wait, it probably was. It wasalwaysa joke when I was involved.
“Yes,” I spoke unsurely. “Like, well, don’t you guys get them at random times sometimes? So, this wasn’t because of me. Surely, it wasn’t.”
His eyes rolled. “We can wait until my boner’s gone and then I can get naked, look at you, and you’ll see how ‘not-you’related it is.”
“What? No! I don’t want to see your dick!”
“Ouch.” Eden covered his heart with his hand. “You know what? Maybe you need to get laid before you realize how sexy you are.”
“What?” I laughed at the absurdity. “I don’t know in what kind of dream world you’re living but?—”
“No, seriously,” he interrupted. “You know Kaan, right? He was super shy before he finally got laid. Now he’s like a sex machine or something. He just won’t stop. Kaan’s gotten so much more confident. It’s as if he just needed someone to show him that he was desirable. Perhaps that’s your problem, too. You need someone to show you how hot you are until you can believe it.”
“You, Eden, are ridiculous.” I took off my apron, threw it on the counter, and immediately rushed into the living room to grab my phone and purse. Eden followed my every step.
“Where are you going?”
“Home.” I should’ve ran the moment he opened his mouth. As I made my way to the front door, I put on my shoes. “It’s rude to say I have body image issues because I haven’t had sex yet, or because you’re up for a ride or something like that.”
“Alana…”
“With me gone, you can find yourself a nice sorority girl and fuck her brains out or whatever.”
He shuddered at my words. “First of all, I don’t fuck sorority girls. I don’t like their attitudes.” Eden leaned back against the wall of his corridor. “Second of all, I really didn’t mean to offend you. It was just an observation.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I swung my bag over my shoulder. “Goodbye.”
I slammed the door shut behind me, hearing Eden curse and say something about idiots through the closed door.
While I didn’t bother to look at my phone, I knew it was late. Eden was supposed to drive me home once we were donebaking; now my only chances of getting home were asking Asiya to pick me up or walk. Both seemed like a really bad idea at eleven at night, but only one meant peace and quiet.
So, I just began walking down the street for a while. Perhaps I would find a taxi on the way.
After a few minutes, a strange, faint sting built in my chest. The more I ignored it, the more it began to hurt until I realized I was crying. Not sobbing, but a quiet, wet leak from my eyes.
In the back of my mind, Eden’s words played on a loop.
Perhaps that’s your problem, too. You need someone to show you how hot you are until you can believe it.
I sat down on a nearby bench, suddenly thankful Eden lived close to a park. I wiped away my tears with my sleeve, wondering if I was really that bad at loving myself.
Sure, I knew I was hard on myself sometimes. I was aware of my flaws and how uncomfortable they made me in social situations.
But was it really as bad as Eden was insinuating? I was doing pretty well when he took me out, or so I thought.
I looked around at the bustling park, at the people laughing and talking to each other. Most of the people I’d seen were either couples going for a late-night walk or dog-parents.
For a while, I just watched them while neither of them even noticed me sitting here. If they did, all they’d seen was a sad, lonely girl, sitting on a park bench and doing some people-watching.
As always, I was a wallflower in a field of blooming moonflowers.
26