How?
“It’s not. The only guys who are interested in me are the ones who think they can make me go to the gym and change my body for them. It’s a game to them. Or they straight up fetishize women my size.” A deep sigh drew from my lungs. “Or I have to settle for someone I’m just not attracted to, which I refuse to do.”
He nodded in what I assumed was understanding. “I wouldn’t settle for that either.”
“See.”
“But just so you know, I’d totally date you if we weren’t friends.”
I laughed, scooping some of the flour off the counter just to throw it at him. “Don’t even joke about it, that’s cruel!”
“Why?” He walked around me, stepping closer. With every step he neared me, I backed further into the counter until I was physically unable to move any more.
Eden gripped the top of the counter on either side of my body, lowering his head until his lips brushed my ear. “I’d totally fuck you, too, you know?”
“Eden…”
“If you’d let me, I’d sit you on this countertop right now.” His voice was lower than usual, far more seductive. “First, I’d take off your whimsy little shirt, your skirt, and rip your tights. Then I’d kiss you and slowly work my way down to your tits.”
He pressed me just that tiny bit further into the counter. If he pushed me any further, I was sure the granite top was going to hit my bones. “Eden.”
“I’d take off your bra.” One of his arms reached around my body, a finger tracing down my spine until it reached the strap of my bra. “Expose you to me just so I could suck on and play with those nipples of yours.”
“Eden,” I gasped this time, my voice seemingly gone.
“Then I’d move my hand down your perfect body, aiming right for your pus?—”
“EDEN!” I shoved at him and he finally stepped away from me.
As he leaned against the counter on the opposite side of me, his arms crossed over his chest again. The only thing he thought to do was cock his head at me. “What?”
“This isn’t funny,” I said. “You can’t just play with a woman’s feelings like that. I tell you something super private and hurtful about my life, and all you think to do is pretend like?—”
“Pretend?” His eyebrows rose. “Oh, Alana, there was no pretending.”
“Sure there was. You don’t think I’m… well, good-looking.”
He shook his head, confirming my assumption. I couldn’t say it didn’t sting a little.
“I don’t think you’re good-looking,” he said. “I think you’re hot, Ally-Bear. I think you’re pretty, and I think your body is beautiful just the way it is. And you know what I also think?”
I looked away. “That you’re the worst liar in the history of liars?”
“I think you’re too scared to let, as you’d say it, someone like me, show you just how beautiful you are. You’re scared to let someone like me get close to you. You’re scared becauseyoudon’t believe anyone could find you attractive, not because nobody actually doesn’t.”
“So what? Then I’m scared. I’ve had plenty of bad experiences.”
He sighed, making his way over to the oven to check on the muffins. “You shouldn’t let bad experiences define who you are and who you’re allowed to date.”
“Easier said than done.” I began to draw shapes into the leftover flour. “Nothing came from those guys who hit me up since we’d been fake dating. And I still don’t have enough confidence to approach anyone by myself. I’m a hopeless case.”
Austin hadn’t tried talking to me since the last time, which was probably my fault, but still. I fucked up, and I couldn’t even tell Eden about it.
He was already trying to help me, and what if he was going to stop because I messed up?
“You’re not. But you’re also not ready to see what’s right in front of you,” he said.
“What’s right in front of me?”