How come I didn’t know she was in New York?
I felt Brooke shake her head. “She isn’t ready to go back. She’s been staying with your brother.”
How the fuck didn’t I know this?
How couldn’t I know that mymothernever left the country again?
“She probably isn’t going to go back either,” Brooke added. “Aaron’s helping her look for a small little house in Staten Island, somewhere close to Colin. The Mansion’s too big for it being just her, and she said Spain without your dad is too painful.”
I nodded slowly, trying to find that piece of information somewhere in my brain. Surely I’d been told about this before… how didn’t I remember any of this?
“We can meet up sometimes,” Brooke said, taking a step back from our hug just to look at me. She held both of my hands, and I was so goddamn thankful she didn’t fully let go yet. “Maybe not all by ourselves at first though.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m afraid that if we’re all alone, you’re going to drink again because you know I’d hide it for you. You know I’d lie for you, Reece,” she answered. “I’m afraid that I’ll mess up, ruining your progress. I’m afraid that even if I stopped you from drinking in my presence, you’d just do it when I’m not there. And what if I keep saying no to sex, huh? What if you get frustrated with me because of that, and you’ll do something stupid?”
“I wouldn’t cheat on you, Brooke.”
“I know.” She sounded sure of that. “But I also don’t want to risk anything. It’s going to be easier to relearn control with as minimal temptation around you as possible. It’s better to go at this slowly but surely.”
“Okay.” My head bobbed as I tried to find it in my heart to agree with her. My head thought it all made sense, but my heart just didn’t want to see her leave. “But I’ll see you, right? And we’ll talk on the phone?”
“If you need to, yes.”
“Okay… I can do this.” Hopefully.
I had to be able to do this.
51
REECE
Everything was hurting: my arms, my legs, my stomach, even my eyes, and especially my heart.
Was this what dying felt like?
I lay there on the cold, hard floor of Ash’s, Luan and Grey’s son, bedroom, pain searing through every fiber of my being. Memories flooded my mind—of laughter, of times when everything was great, when Brooke was in my arms and I could feel her love for me.
Each time my thoughts included Brooke, the pain in my body faded, but the moment I couldn’t feel anything anymore, my brain decided it was time to throw my deceased father into the mix.
I closed my eyes, clutching my stomach, and letting out a low groan. I forced myself to take slow, deep breaths, trying to find a way to push through the pain.
The room was silent, and all I could think about was how badly I needed a drink. Alcohol was going to make the pain bearable. It was going to make me forget. It was going to numb the ache in my soul.
But I had to stay strong for Brooke, for my family, but most importantly, for myself.
I pushed myself up to sit, gritting my teeth. The room spun for a moment, but I clenched my fists and waited for the dizziness to pass without throwing up.
Suddenly, a knock appeared on the door, and before I even managed to speak, Luan already knelt in front of me.
He unscrewed a bottle of water and then handed it to me. “You need to stay hydrated.”
I took the bottle from him, my fingers trembling slightly as I brought it to my lips. The water felt surprisingly refreshing as it slid down my dry throat.
“This is the worst you’ll be, I promise,” Luan said as he took the now empty bottle from me, screwing the cap back on. “You just have to stick it out.”
I nodded weakly, grateful for Luan’s help these past three days. He spent the past days in the same room as me all day long, just to ensure I didn’t sneak out to get a drink fromanywhere. Every twelve hours, he’d tell me how great I was doing, and while I didn’t feel like I was doing great, his support kept me going.