“No, thank you.” Eating is the last thing on my mind right now. Grey was supposed to land an hour ago and he said he’d text me when he does, so now I’m worried something might’ve happened.
“Oh, honey,” my mother sighs deeply, putting the plate back into the cabinet. “What’s wrong?” She takes my hand in hers, lovingly stroking her thumb over the back of my hand for some comfort.
“Grey left again,” I tell her, already feeling the waterworks come up again. The last time I truly cried must’ve been during my time in rehab, when the alcohol just left my body, and I was desperate to get some back into me. The time I started to feel again, when I felt like I was going to die without an ounce of liquor in me. And before that, the only time I cried was after losing Charlie.
I don’t count saying goodbye at the airport.
Dad comes walking into the kitchen, ready to eat dinner, when he stops in his tracks as soon as his eyes land on me. “What happened?”
“His boyfriend left the city again,” Ma tells him.
“He’s not even my boyfriend, Ma.”
“Well, why not?” she asks, her eyebrows draw together. “He seemed nice.”
A smile crosses over my face now, happy to know she actually does think Grey is nice. “He is,” I confirm. “Maybe other people would disagree, but Ma, he’s so amazing. And so kind when one gets to know him. And he’s so handsome, like did youlookat him!?” I lean over the kitchen counter, pressing my face right into the stone. “And he’s such a great kisser, Ma.”
I hear my father chuckle before the sounds of plates rubbing against one another mutes him. “So, you kissed him but he’s not your boyfriend?”
I groan. “He kissedme, Dad. I didn’t do anything.” I pause for a moment there, then add, “For once.” My parents know what I’ve done before, how I used to make people like me instead of allowing them to get to know me and like me because they just do, because I’m a great person or something like that. They weren’t proud when they found out, but neither of my parents ever blamed me or saw me as a bad person after I told them.
All they ever did was support me, gave me a helping hand when I needed them the most. And I am so thankful for that, truly. Without them, I don’t think I would’ve been able to keep my promises, that I’d go to rehab for my alcohol problem, that I’d stop manipulating people. Without their support, my life could look so much different right now.
“Are you sure?” Ma asks, and although that question stings a little, I understand where she’s coming from.
Grey is the first person I allowed to get to know me after rehab. He’s the first person I am trying to be normal with. Of course she’s worried I might not even notice I’m manipulating him.
I look up, meeting her eyes. “I think so.”
Dad walks around the kitchen island and lays a hand on my back. “Did you tell him about it?”
How could I? If I told Grey that all of my relationships—friendships included—before were forced, I don’t think he’d ever exchange a single word with me again. I wouldn’t if I was him.
“Luan, your therapist said you’ll have to be open about it. It’s the only way whoever you’re talking to knows not to fall for your charm.”
I know. “But why would I walk up to a random stranger and be like, ‘Hi, I’m Luan, I am a known manipulator with narcissistic tendencies, so there’s a high chance I might make you like me because I like you, but don’t worry, now you know so if you’re lucky, maybe I won’t do it after all because I am currently trying out not to do it anymore’?”
My dad sighs, taking a seat by the island next to me. “How about you just tell him you tend to manipulate people and ask him to stop you when he notices you’re trying to do it?”
“It still sounds bad.” I don’t want Grey to read too much into me, and when I tell him, he’s going to read every single thing I say differently. He’s going to overthink my jokes, overthink my flirting, overthinkeverythingI do and say because it might sound like I’m trying to make him like me.
“Well, boy, it’s your decision to make.”
Exactly. And so far, I think I am doing great at being a normal person.
“Dad?” I say, suddenly remembering what I’ve been meaning to ask for a while now. I always forget. “Why’d you always keep me away from the Li kids?” I doubt it’s because my father can’t stand Ji-Hoon Li only because they’re in the same business. “I met their daughter the other day, and she seemed nice. So why was I never allowed near them?”
That’s not exactly true. I met Sun, but that’s over a year ago, she was nice though. However, if I told my father Grey is Ji-Hoon Li’s son, I fear he’d try to turn my building relationship around faster than Grey and I started piecing it together.
“Because their dad is bad news.”
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Everyone has a wicked side to them, I believe. “Bad news how?”
My father straightens his back, rolling his eyes just thinking about whatever he’s about to tell me. “That man gives interviews about his success, which is normal, but the things he says. I never understood how people could support his brand. How they could keep on buying stuff from a man who believes colors and clothes have a gender, so dressing a little boy in pink is wrong in his eyes. It’s just a color. All the Li Co. stores have separate sections for boys and girls. It might’ve been okay-ish in the 90s, but nowadays it’s not. Most of the clothes Li Co. creates for girls have a sexist touch to them, while the shirts for boys say things like ‘I’m a superhero’ or ‘Future Boss’, all the girl clothes are about their appearance. About how pretty they should look, having checklists printed on the front, saying stuff like shopping, doing makeup and more. It’s just wrong. So, no, I didn’t want you anywhere near his children.”
So what he’s saying is… “Mr. Li is homophobic.”
My father nods. “Always been, and I can’t imagine he taught his kids to be anything else. I don’t want people like them near you, never did.”