“Even the blindest, most dense person can see that,” Zac adds.
I wave at them dismissively. This isn’t about me being in love with Sofia, it’s about me not knowing what is going on and her just being… gone. Unreachable.
Okay, and maybe it’s a little about my fear of her leaving me again as well.
“Can I take a shower before you make me speed us back home?” Grey asks, already having a towel thrown over his shoulder.
This is ridiculous.
Sofia is an adult, surely, she wouldn’t just run away again, she’s better than that. Maybe her phone just ran out and she’s stuck in traffic. You know, with the car that she does not have.
Why does my heart feel so heavy? I don’t understand. I know I have been in love with Sofia for a whole while, but why does this feel like an end?
53
Sofia
“and I lost you and I lost my mind”—Turn Back Time by Daniel Schulz
“And you have been stayingwith Nicole and that…”
I nod, chuckling softly. “Her pedophilic boyfriend? Yeah, unfortunately.”
“I cannot believe she is still seeing him,” my grandmother says, letting out a long sigh while picking up her teacup.
My Grandma and I have been talking for a while now, I’m not sure how long exactly, but enough for me to get more and more comfortable with the second. She’s asked me so many questions about what I’ve been up to, what it’s like for me living in Germany, whether it was difficult to learn German or not.
She’s also told me all about her elderly neighbor that keeps stopping by every morning to bring her some fresh milk because she once told him she preferred the fresh one over these packaged milk containers. I thought it’s cute, in some ways.
We still haven’t gotten to why I suddenly showed up here, but I’m not exactly upset about it either. Just having a short while with my grandma, talking to her like nothing ever happened is something I might never get ever again, so I will take every moment I can.
Oh, she has also told me about how Keith, the elderly neighbor, has fixed the fence in the front yard for my grandma. Apparently, my grandfather wanted to do that but, well, he never got to do it.
I thought this might be a great chance to ask her why she’s not mad at me for pushing her husband down the stairs, but then she changed the topic and talked about her newest addition to her flowerbed. She has started growing lilacs because they reminded her of me, and since she never got to hear from me ever, it was all she had left of me. After telling me this, she even asked if I still liked them or if she has to find another flower to keep alive.
My heart was doing all sorts of things when she said this. Mostly hurt.
The tears in my eyes are threatening to swell over with every new topic she starts to talk about, especially the ones that remind her of me and how I used to always come around the house to help her bake cookies on Saturdays.
Between you and me, I only ever wanted to bake cookies because I knew I’d see Aaron the next day, and I tried to impress him with my baking skills. It didn’t work, but still, I tried every week again.
“Your boyfriend,” my grandma starts, a small smile tugging on her lips as she speaks, “is he the little boy you always liked when you were younger?”
“He is,” I confirm. It’s kind of weird how life turns out. Sometimes one door closes and another opens. Other times one door closes, and ten doors open, making you choose. Then you choose the wrong one, and for a while your life seems great, but it turns into one big mess because that door wasn’t for you. So now you somehow have to find back through the chaos to the door that was supposed to be yours.
I think Aaron and my relationship was part of that whole choosing-the-wrong-door escapade. But, hey, years later and I finally found the right one.
“So, is he finally taller than you are?”
I chuckle, nodding.
For a short time, Aaron was shorter than me, and I always made fun of him for that. Even Lily used to be taller than him, but he still always insisted he was the tallest. He was the whiniest little boy known to human history, that’s what he was.
Anyway, no more beating around the bush.
Inhaling deeply, I finally rush out a couple of words that could lead to a very bad ending to all of this. “Listen, Grams…” My lips tremble when I speak, but I push through. “I actually came here to speak with you about something else.”
She nods like she knows. “Figured,” she says with a smile. “You brought flowers to your grandfathers grave.”