“Yes, very much. Just not in a way that we can be together anymore,but I’ll always love your mom. Always respect her. Always want good things for her.”
“Did you do something bad?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Adair answered his little man honestly. “I did.”
“Does Mommy still love you?”
“That’s something you’d have to ask her.”
“But…you still love her?”
“I always will, Ade.”
Ade chewed on that for a minute. “Okay.”
But Adair knew it wasn’t okay. Not really. Ade was quiet the rest of dinner. He must’ve really felt a way because he hopped down and scraped his plate, something Pam taught him, and he usually forgot. That was Ade’s way of thinking. He always got really neat and remember his minimal chores when he was carrying something inside.
Adair started gathering the rest of dishes, but before he could even rinse them, he heard Ade’s voice again.
“Daddy?”
He turned. “Yeah, bud?”
Ade was standing by the kitchen entrance, one hand making traces on the wall. His eyes filled with worry that was eating him up. “What happened to the baby?”
“The baby?” he froze.
Ade’s gaze dropped to the floor. “The one Mommy had in her belly. The one that was sposed to be my sister.”
Adair’s heart clenched. “What made you ask about her?”
Ade shrugged again, but it wasn’t careless. Just small. “I was just thinking...why didn’t she come?”
The words were so simple, so innocent but they landed like a blow. Adair swallowed, came over, and knelt in front of him.
“Sometimes...babies don’t make it. Even when they’rereallywanted. Even when we’re waiting on them.” Ade nodded slowly, eyes filling just slightly. “You ever talk to Mommy about her?” Adair asked.
“No,” Ade shook his head. “Mommy cries when somebody talk about the baby.”
Adair closed his eyes for a second, then opened them again. “Yeah. I know.” He pulled Ade into a hug and held him tight. “You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? It’s okay to wonder about her. It’s okay to miss somebody you never got to meet.”
Adair hugged him tighter. Let himself hold his son with both arms now, one hand cupping the back of his head, the otherrubbing his small back slow. Ade didn’t say anything else for a minute—just let himself be held.
“You know,” Adair murmured against his son’s curly hair, “you don’t have to keep your feelings to yourself, right?” his baby boy nodded against his chest. “What I always tell you?”
Ade pulled back just enough to meet his eyes. His voice was soft, but sure. “If I don’t feel safe with anybody else, I can always come to you no matter what it is or the time of day…my dad is one phone call away.”
“And I’ll come running for you. So talk to me man.”
“I just miss us all together,” he whispered. “Like before.”
Adair’s heart pulled.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I know.”
He brushed a hand over Ade’s head. “And I wish I could fix that part for you, little man. I really do but even if me and Mommy don’t live in the same house anymore…we still love you the same. That never changes. You hear me?”
Ade nodded.