There was no rhythm to it. No way to get ahead of it. It doesn’t move on just because you do. It just sits there—quietuntil it isn’t. And when it comes back, it doesn’t come back softer.
It comes back the same.
I’d spent my career years learning how pain works—how people break and heal.
None of that touched this.
Nothing everexplainedthis.
Because it never healed.
It’d been over a decade, and it still felt exactly the way it did the first time I realized he was gone.
Archie shifted then, climbing into my lap, both arms sliding around my shoulders, fingers pushing into my hair.
“It doesn’t take away how much I love you,” I said, the words rougher than I intended, pulled from somewhere deeper than the rest.
“I know,” he said, pressing his cheek against mine. “Of course it doesn’t. Henry, you don’t have to explain that to me. You don’t even have to tell me what happened to him. I’m sorry I pushed you.”
“Baby, it’s okay. I’ll tell you.”
“Too bad. I don’t want to know anymore.Ha.”
Fuck.
I smiled, and I would say it was a damn near miracle, but I knew better.
The miracle was sitting on my lap.
“I love you, you brat.” I kissed the side of his head. “Now, hush. Daddy has a story to tell.”
His spine rippled beneath my hand, and he sat back just enough for me to see him gnawing at that bottom lip.
“Tell me,” I implored.
“Did he—Philip, I mean.” He turned his head. “Did he call you Daddy too?”
“No, baby.” I pressed the tip of my nose to his cheek. “That’s just for you.Us.”
He fell back into my chest with a smile. “You can tell your story now.”
My lips twitched at that—just barely, the ghost of something lighter threatening to surface, and then it was gone.
The weight settled back in, filling the space between us until even the air felt thicker.
Archie felt it too.
I could tell by the way his hands tightened in my shirt, fingers curling into the fabric like he was trying to hold me there.
“I was the student assigned to give him a tour on his first day. Didn't look like he needed one though.”
My hand moved absently along Archie’s back.
“Walked in like he already belonged. Like the place had been built around him instead of the other way around. We just… hit it off. No effort. No awkward phase. It was easy from the start.”
Archie’s hand slipped under my shirt and pressed against the skin that covered my heart.
“We spent most of that year together. Classes, weekends, whatever we could get away with. I met his parents over the phone. We sent them pictures. We madeplans. He went home first. I had a few weeks left before I graduated. I was going to finish out the semester, pack up, and meet him in France.”