How can so many bad things happen so quickly, and how can they all happen to me?
None of this should be real, but it is.
And yet...
When I'm alone with my thoughts at night, I find myself asking—
If you had the chance to turn back time, would you?
It should've been easy to answer this. But I can't, and that's what terrifies me the most.
Chapter Sixteen
DAY TWO.
The next day is easier but...busier.
Judy has decided it's safe for me to have breakfast outside my room, and it honestly feels like being let out of prison. I mean, my room is hands-down beautiful in the most luxurious way possible, but I guess I just needed to know and feel that I'm free to leave it if I want to.
There is, I’m pleased to report, an egg waiting for me in the dining room. Or make that three eggs—scrambled, poached, and one done sunny-side up with a runny middle so perfect it can only mean whoever is cooking actually likes you.
It almost makes me cry, but I manage to sniff all the tears back. It’s just so like...him to have a household that delivers above and beyond. I ask for egg, and they give me all kinds of it, and they’re all so perfectly cooked that it’s sure to gain the approval of even someone like Sandy who—
Stop!
I need to stop thinking about...about men in general.
I just need to rest and eat and...and...thank goodness for Judy, who takes one look at my face, and it’s like she magically knows exactly what I need. Right after breakfast, she asks if I’ve had a chance to look around, and when I say no, she asks Mr. Everford’s head housekeeper to give us a tour.
And so that’s what we do for the next two hours. Michelle shows us all the rooms except for the master’s bedroom and his private study, and everything is just pretty...and pretty incredible when I eventually realize that all the land I can see through his floor-to-ceiling windows is, well, his. An entire town could fit on his property. And he even has his own lake!
Granted, it's man-made.
But still.
His own lake!
Montero comes by at ten, and I already remember him even before he introduces himself. I thank him for his help that night, and he reassures me that his boss has taken care of everything, which turns out to be the understatement of the year.
By ‘everything’ he apparently means that Jerry’s now behind bars and unlikely to be released in his lifetime.
In the afternoon, we receive another visitor. The woman has long dark hair with prematurely-white streaks, and gray eyes that somehow seem ancient with wisdom. I think that’s why I wasn’t surprised to hear her introduce herself as a counselor who specializes in trauma, broken marriages, and even grief, being a widow herself.
I also start seeing a pattern when Heidi casually reveals she used to work for the army, and when we start with our session, I notice how she’s more like Dr. Pitt than Judy, with how she gently but firmly guides me to process the most undeniably hurtful parts of my life.
Tell me what you remember about the attack.
Tell me what you felt when the memories came back.
Tell me about your marriage.
And funnily enough, that's what actually makes me break down and cry. Not the part about almost getting raped or the memories of it. But it's when she asks me about my marriage, and how she wants me to think about the five most recent memories I have of Sandy that make me feel happy and loved—
That's what makes me cry.
Because I try so, so hard, and I can't think of a single one.
Because all the good times were back when we were just dating. But the moment we married, I realize now that he started changing. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that he started showing his true colors when I became his wife, and I would no longer be able to...escape.