I lean my head against the window and I close my eyes for the ride.
When I open them, we're at the gate, and I thank the cab driver after giving him a tip.
Tomas is in the booth when I walk up to the gatehouse, and there’s just something about the way he’s looking at me...
He knows.
The thought has me swallowing hard. I wish I was wrong about this, but when he gives me a strained smile and greets me—
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Pettyfer.”
Hedefinitelyknows.
I’ve been Nicole to him ever since Sandy and I moved here, so why has that suddenly changed?
“I need to get something from the house.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Pettyfer.”
His voice is pained.
“But I have orders not to let you in.”
“I’m a resident, Tomas.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am—”
I don’t understand.
“But the rules are clear. We can’t go against resident orders—”
“Iamthat,” I protest.
“I’m sorry,” Tomas repeats. And then he leans forward, saying under his tone, “There truly is nothing I can do. Your husband told management you're getting a divorce, and that your name should be removed from the list."
He leans back, and all I can do is bite my lip hard because I’m once again so, so tempted to start crying. I’m just so tired and hungry and sleepy. He’s also cut off my cards, emptied our joint account, and now this? He’s already cheated on me with the intern, and hestillcan’t give me a break?
"Please, Tomas. It will only take five minutes.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Pettyfer. But there’s truly nothing I can do.”
I force myself to inhale deeply when I see how troubled Tomas looks at having to turn me down. At the end of the day, I have to remember that he’s just doing his job, and it’s exactly what he says, too: things like this are out of his hand, and here I am,practically trying to guilt-trip him to do something that can get him in trouble.
"It's okay, Tomas.” I even manage to say this with a smile. “I'll come back next time."
The older man nods profusely. "I hope this will all be resolved soon. I wish I didn't have to do this—"
"It's okay, Tomas. I really understand."
I turn away from the gatehouse, and the world outside suddenly feels impossibly, terrifyingly vast.
I've lived behind that gate for ten years. The sidewalks beyond it aren't sidewalks I've ever walked. The road is a road I've only ever driven. I have no idea where the nearest bus stop is. I have no idea where there's anywhere to sit down. I have no idea, period.
So I start walking.
It’s like there’s anything else I can do, since I no longer have enough money to even ride the bus.
I walk and walk and walk until I eventually come to a part of town where the houses get smaller, and then I keep walking until the houses around me get fewer and fewer until they’re none at all.