Mark opened his eyes, disappointment clouding his expectant expression when Caster released the hold on his jaw. “I need to surrender completely to feel anything. I can’t do that if I top.”
That he did. Caster had seen that need in the way he’d taken his cock, preparation optional. He was a one-of-a-kind submissive. His fingers traced his lips, the desire to kiss him all-consuming. “Have you ever tried it?”
Mark nodded. “A long time ago. I hated it. I didn’t even come.” He closed his eyes, his breath tickling Caster’s hand. “Please don’t make me.”
He had nothing to worry about there. “That won’t happen, baby.” The endearment he’d never used with anyone else rolled off his tongue like a prayer. “I would never make you do something you don’t want. I can promise you that.”
Mark opened his eyes. “And you’re an exclusive top?”
He nodded. “Doesn’t mean I haven’t bottomed before. If you were mine, we could try.”
The shock elicited by the comical widening of Mark’s eyes mirrored his own. He hadn’t meant to reference the possibility of more than today. He opened his mouth to take it back, but Mark kissed him, silencing the barrage of words he was certainhe would regret. His hand found purchase at the back of Mark’s head as he lost all thought.
He needed more, more than this, more than today’s everything. He wanted everything, every day, for eternity. But it would be irresponsible for him to ask Mark for that. His pain shone through even in the most intimate of moments. That didn’t stop him from giving in to his desire to have him, though. He was between Mark’s open thighs, pushing into his accepting body before he could stop himself, and the emotional hole he’d dug himself into grew larger.
“Please,” Mark begged between breaths.
“Too soon, baby.” He heard his voice, but it was as if it came from Mark’s body into his. For reasons he didn’t feel much like getting into, his thrusts were subdued, without the violence of before. He slowed down even further, the more Mark’s body accepted his, with each moan reverberating through their connection into his chest.
“No. Not that…”
He paused, unsure of Mark’s meaning, his training kicking in. “What? What’s wrong?”
Mark didn’t provide a coherent answer. He pleaded and grabbed Caster’s arms, shaking his head.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No. No… please. I want…”
“Baby, what? What do you want?” He rolled his hips, unwilling to leave the warm embrace of his body, but certain that’s what he would do if Mark asked.
Mark’s eyes popped open, the intensity of his stare adding unnecessary spice to the crackling energy of their combined desire. “I want to be yours.”
Everything in Caster stopped, including his heart. Mark wouldn’t let him look away, run away from the moment. The challenge in his stare held Caster in place. It was clear he knew what he wanted, but that didn’t make it a good idea.
His desire all but gone, Caster pulled out of Mark, the disappointed sigh from Mark’s lips tearing an even bigger hole in his bleeding heart. But such was the dominant’s burden in the relationship. His desires, his needs, and wants had to take a back seat to what’s best for his submissive. If he failed in this, Marcus would choke the life out of him. He’d never forgive himself.
Mark’s expression fell, the sadness he’d carried since they met bleeding through to inordinate proportions. He kept his place between Mark’s legs, the intimacy of what they were about to discuss requiring the proximity.
“Look at me, baby.” It was difficult, but he tried to hold his dominance away from the moment. “Please…”
Mark’s eyes met his, defiance holding back the hurt lurking beneath the surface.
“I want nothing more than for you to be mine. I think I wanted it, that first night, the moment I felt your skin against mine.” He couldn’t resist touching him, the memory of how much he’d wanted Mark that night distant, but still significant. “Do you want me to move off of you?”
Mark shook his head, his hands gripping Caster’s hips. They were both still hard, a consequence of the closeness, or thememory of that moment.
“If you were mine, I’d give you everything, every day, forever.” He placed a single kiss on his lips, unable to resist, but stopped short of a second. It was too dangerous to take too much. “You would never need anything. No one would ever hurt you.” He closed his eyes against the barrage of unfamiliar hurt, causing a dull ache in his chest. He opened his eyes, begging Mark to understand. “But, baby, you still belong to someone else.”
Mark started to shake his head…
“You can’t even talk about what happened that night.” His sigh signaled his defeat. “Your pain is so clear every time he’s mentioned, I find myself envious of a dead man.”
Tears filled Mark’s eyes, but he fought his pain, the defiance, the challenge in his gaze still apparent. “I don’t want to feel that way. I don’t know how to stop.”
“Don’t you dare cry.” This time, he couldn’t hold back the commanding tone. “I can’t handle it again. That night at the club, I wanted to find whoever or whatever had caused you so much pain and tear them to shreds.”
The choked laugh from Mark was not what he expected. “I am so fucked up.”