“So what changed?”
He expelled a long breath. “I got tired.”
I blinked. “Of what?”
“Of performing,” he said simply. “Of trying to fit into spaces that didn’t quite fit me.” He stared at his laced fingers on the table. “At some point, that becomes more exhausting than being yourself.”
It made an uncomfortable kind of sense.
“And then what?” I asked.
“ThenI found people who didn’t require me to edit myself. Spaces where difference wasn’t something to be corrected.” He glanced at me. “Where I didn’t have to explain who I was before I could be accepted.”
Then I got it.
“The leather community.”
“Yes.”
“And that just… fixed it?”
Stefan smiles. “No. Nothing fixes it. You simply get better at recognising what feels right.”
I frowned. “And ignoring what doesn’t?”
“Not ignoring,” he said. “Choosing. You learn that certainty doesn’t come from having all the answers.” A light sigh escaped him. “It comes from being honest about the ones you do have.”
I looked at him, trying to see past the layers he showed to the world.
“And you’re there now?”
Another shrug. “Most days.”
That felt more honest than anything else he could have said.
I let out a slow breath.
This is what I’ve been trying to understand, to achieve. Not perfection, or some finished version of myself, but a way of being that doesn’t feel like a compromise.
I glanced at him again, and realised I didn’t just want to see what was underneath Stefan’s layers.
I wanted to learn how to get there.
“Stefan!” A deep, gravelly voice broke through, and I jumped.
Dieter stood a few feet away, Gertrude in his arms. It wasn’t a warm day, but he didn’t seem to feel the cold. He wore a pair of ragged denim shorts and a tank top, revealing a deep tan.
Stefan smiled. “Good morning.”
“Will I be seeing you Saturday night?” he asked. His gaze flicked towards me, then back to Stefan. “Rolf said he’d messaged you.”
“Yes, he did. I’m… undecided at this point.”
I glanced at him. Indecision didn’t belong to the Stefan I knew.
Dieter waved a hand. “To be honest, I’m not sure yet either.” Then he grinned. “But then maybe you have other things to do.” He walked out of sight, heading towards the counter.
I turned to face Stefan. “So what’s happening Saturday night that you didn’t want to talk about in front of me?”