I looked at her and finally said it.
“I’m into men.”
Diana sat very still, as though she was absorbing it. Then she let out a slow breath and leaned back in her chair.
Christ, she’s looking at me as if I’m a stranger.
Which I was. She’d never met the real Kieran, the one who’d emerged as the years went by.
“All this time?” she said quietly.
I swallowed. “I didn’t… not at the beginning.”
Her eyes sharpened. “No?”
“No,” I said quickly. “When we met, I thought I was straight. I didn’t question it. I—” I stuttered out a breath. “I liked you. You were easy to be with. We got on. It felt… right.”
“Comfortable,” she suggested.
“Yes.”
“And then?”
I hesitated.
Her gaze narrowed. “And then you woke up one day and decided you liked men?”
“It wasn’t like that,” I remonstrated.
“Then how was it, Kieran?” There it was—finally, a flicker of irritation. “Because from whereI’msitting, it feels like I’ve justbeen told my husband has been living a completely different life in his head for years.”
“I haven’t,” I protested sharply. I softened my voice. “I haven’t acted on anything. Not once.”
“That’s not the point.”
“I know,” I said quickly. “I know it’s not. But you need to understand—I didn’t set out to deceive you.”
“Then explain it to me. Because right now it feels very much like I’ve been lied to.”
The words lanced through me.
I ran a hand over my face, trying to gather my thoughts.
“How long have you felt like this?”
I sighed. “A while. I can’t say exactly when. Maybe there was a day when I was walking home, there was a guy walking towards me, and I thought he was handsome. That was all.” Another hard swallow. “But then I started noticing more guys. When you go into a coffee shop full of people, and your attention is drawn to the men rather than the women, it’s hard not to admit the truth.”
Diana said nothing.
“I told myself it was nothing,” I went on. “Everyone notices people. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“And then?” she asked.
“It didn’t stop.”
The room felt very still.
“It got harder to dismiss. I’d find myself… looking. Thinking. And then catching myself and shutting it down.”