I stared at him. Karl didn’t need to say it out loud, but we both knew this wasn’t really about the job. It was about everything that had shifted since I’d come back. The way the college no longer felt as though it fit. The sense that I was moving through something familiar without being part of it anymore.
And Stefan.
I looked away from the screen again, my gaze drifting back to the window.
Manchester hadn’t changed. Its streets, its rhythm, the same life waiting for me to settle back into it. Except now I could see the edges of it. The places where it no longer held me the way it used to.
In Berlin I’d seen a different version of myself. One that had felt alive.
He’s offering me a choice. Stay in a life that no longer fit, or step towards one that might.
My gaze shifted back to Karl. He was watching me, not pushing, not interrupting, but waiting.
“You’ve already decided,” he said, his voice quiet.
Something deep inside me settled into place.
“Yes, I think I have.”
I didn’t wonder what Stefan would think.
I already knew what I was going to do.
“I’ll send you the link to the application form.” Karl peered at me. “Please keep me informed of your progress?”
“Of course.”
“And if I can offer any advice for the interview…”
I smiled. “You’re assuming I’ll be invited.”
He huffed. “They would be crazy not to.”
We said our goodbyes, and I closed the laptop.
My phone sat next to it, and just for a moment, I considered calling Stefan.
But what would I say? ‘I’m thinking about coming back?’ ‘I might apply?’ ‘I don’t know what this is, but I can’t seem to let it go?’
None of those felt like something Stefan would respond to, or respect.
I expelled a slow breath. I had a better understanding of the man I was dealing with. Stefan didn’t move on uncertainty. He didn’t step into something half-formed and hope it would hold.
I didn’t want to do that either.
If I was going to return to Berlin… If I was going to step back into whatever this was, I wouldn’t do it with questions or vague possibilities, something that could still disappear the moment it was spoken out loud. I would do it with somethingreal.
My phone pinged, and I saw the link from Karl.
Thisis the first step.
Not Stefan, not yet.
I opened up the laptop again, clicked on the link, and started reading.
If I get through this, there’s another life waiting for me on the other side.
One that might include Stefan.