I didn’t say that to him. I didn’t need to. He knew. I saw it in the quieter moments, the way his movements slowed, as if unconsciously resisting the pace of things.
We didn’t discuss it, because that would have required a conclusion, and we weren’t there yet.
Kieran
Saturday arrived, our last night together, and we’d finally run out of time. I’d gone back to Karl’s that afternoon to pack, so that I didn’t need to think about it, and then I’d returned to Stefan’s apartment, to spend the evening with him.
I’d already said my goodbyes to Karl, with promises to keep in touch.
Promises I hadn’t made to Stefan, and I was at a loss to know why.
Maybe it was his own words that prevented me.
Berlin was an escape for you. That doesn’t make it your future.
“I could come with you to the airport.” Stefan’s suggestion pulled me back into the moment.
I shook my head. “That would only make it harder.”
Stefan didn’t argue. “I understand.” He paused. “If things were different…”
He didn’t finish it. He didn’t need to.
I swallowed. “Maybe they will be.”
Neither of us added anything, because that would have demanded something neither of us could give.
Stefan’s hand was at the back of my neck, warm and steady, and I leaned into it.
“I could come with you to the station,” he suggested.
I forced a smile. “Okay.”
He glanced at the clock. “We should probably get some sleep.”
I looked into his eyes. “Is that what you plan on doing? Sleeping?”
He laughed, and the sound lightened the weight on my shoulders, and the ache in my heart. For a moment, at least. “It wouldn’t be my first choice.”
I let out an exaggerated sigh. “Thank God for that.” And then my hand was in his, and he was leading me to his bed.
Tomorrow night I’ll be sleeping alone.
And this would be over.
Stefan
In the morning, Berlin moved around us as it always did, but none of it held my attention for long. My awareness remained fixed elsewhere.
On him.
On the fact that this was ending.
Now.
At the platform, I set his suitcase down beside him and checked the timetable display, a habitual action. We stood facing each other, and the few feet that separated us feltwrong.
“You have everything?” I asked.