Yeah, of course I didn’t.
I typed a few words, deleted them, then read the same line three times without taking any of it in.
All I was aware of washim. His quiet presence. The way he turned a page. I knew if I looked up, he’d still be there, his posture unchanged, one hand resting against his jaw, his attention still on his book.
Except now I knew better. He was aware of me. He always was.
And therein lies my problem.An invisible iron band tightened around my chest.
This visit was more than an experience. It wasn’t just Berlin anymore. And it definitely wasn’t something I could pretend would end cleanly, neatly, without leaving any trace.
My gaze dropped again, but the words on the screen meant nothing. Because all I could think was that Stefan wasright there, and in a few days, a week, two at the most, he wouldn’t be.
My fingers hovered uselessly over the keyboard.
I didn’t want an end to this, not in a “this has been nice” kind of way.
And there it was again, thatI don’t want to leave himthought.
That hurt more than anything else.
Then the skin on my arms prickled, and I glanced up to find Stefan watching me.
My stomach tightened.
“Is everything all right?” he asked. His voice was calm, even, as if he were asking about the weather. As if he hadn’t just caught me in the middle of something I wasn’t ready to explain.
I nodded too quickly. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
A lie, and not a convincing one either.
His gaze lingered on me for a moment, as though he was giving me the chance to say more if I wanted to.
I didn’t. I couldn’t, not yet.
He inclined his head slightly, accepting the answer for what it was. “All right.” He didn’t go back to his book, however. Instead, he removed his glasses, folded them, then set them aside with care before giving me his full attention.
“Come here.”
I hesitated for half a second, then closed the laptop and shifted across, closing the gap between us. His hand was on my nape, a comforting touch that I was beginning to crave.
“What is it?” he asked in a quiet voice. “Because you’re still thinking about something.” He gave a slight smile. “That can be a dangerous habit.”
“Yeah, I’m starting to realise that.”
His fingers stroked my neck. “You don’t have to figure everything out today.”
That wasn’t what I needed, but it was close.
“I was looking at my calendar just now, and it hit me that I could get called back any day now.”
He nodded once. “That’s likely.”
I swallowed. “And I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
Stefan set his book aside. “Ready for what?”
I had a choice. I could pull back, reframe it, make it about the city, the experience.