Realisation washed over me in a slow tide.
This wasn’t about how hard he could hit, or how much I could take.
This was all about trust. I’d given it, and he’d held it.
“Talk to me.”
I tried to encapsulate my feelings in words. “It wasn’t what I expected. I thought it would feel…” I hesitated. “Harsher. Less… controlled.”
“And it didn’t?”
I shook my head.
Stefan nodded once. “Good.” He studied me for a moment. “Do you want to stop?”
I could walk away now, take this for what it is, a first step.
Except I knew I wasn’t finished.
I shook my head. “No. I want to keep going.”
He cupped my chin, looking into my eyes. “With the spanking?”
I took a moment to breathe, to think.
“That new flogger….”
Stefan’s breath caught. “Are you sure?”
That wasn’t doubt I heard in his voice, but care. I felt it in the way his hand remained steady on my face, holding me there, giving me the space to answer properly.
My body hummed from what we’d just done, the warmth lingering, the awareness sharper than it had been when we first walked into the room. But underneath that…
“I think so,” I said. Except that wasn’t a good enough answer. “I don’t want to stop here.”
His eyes searched mine. “And you understand this will feel different.”
I nodded. “Yes.” I smiled. “I trust you.”
The words settled between us.
Stefan’s thumb brushed once against my jaw, a small, grounding gesture.
“All right, but again, we go slowly. And you tell me how it feels, especially if it feels wrong.”
“I will.”
“Then stand up, but take your time.”
I got to my feet, and he stood with me, holding me. What surprised me was how my legs shook a little. Stefan eased me into the chair, then handed me water.
“Drink. Before you do anything else.”
I gulped it down, forcing calm into myself, trying not to overthink my decision.
This isn’t stepping into something unknown.
I was stepping further into something I had already chosen.