Because we both know he won’t be around when August gets here.In Berlin, probably, but not in my apartment.He’ll be someone else’s boyfriend by then.
I hoped so, at any rate. He deserved that.
I sipped my wine, then set the glass down carefully on the table between us.
“You’ve been unhappy.” It was a statement of fact, because Cole also deserved someone who spoke the truth when it was required.
A sigh of obvious relief escaped him. “I have,” he admitted. “And I didn’t want to be.”
I nodded. “I know.” Silence fell, thankfully devoid of tension.
Cole rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “It’s not you. Youknowthat, right?”
I allowed myself a faint smile. “It’s rarely that simple.”
“No, maybe not, but in this case?” He gazed at me with those warm, dark eyes. “It kind of is.” He hesitated. “You want things I don’t.”
I watched him carefully. “We’re talking kink, aren’t we?”
Cole gave a short nod. “Yeah. The leather, the clubs… all of it. I tried, Stef. I really did.”
I couldn’t keep my distance, not when I heard that plaintive note in his voice. I went over to him, and cupped his chin, tilting his face towards mine. “I know you did,” I told him in a low voice.
“And sometimes I even liked it,” Cole went on. He looked me in the eye then. “But not the way you do. And certainly not the way youneedme to.”
I said nothing, but my chest tightened.
This really is goodbye.
There had been moments when I’d told myself I’d imagined the silences, the thoughtful gazes, that faraway look he got sometimes. He’d been living with me for six months, and yes, there were also moments when I felt as though he’d be there for another six, then a year, maybe two, maybe more…
Except part of me had always known he wasn’t mine to keep.
I had always known that if something stayed, it would be because it fit, not because I held onto it.
Cole rested his forehead against my shoulder, and the scent of him stirred my senses.
“I don’t want to be the man who holds you back,” he murmured.
And I wasn’t going to be the man who let him try.
“Because lately? That’s what it feels like,” he continued.
“You’re not holding me back,” I said quietly.
Cole raised his head and stared at me. “Aren’t I?”
I could lie. I could reassure him.
But that wouldn’t have been fair to either of us.
After a moment, I held his face between my palms. “We want different things.”
Cole let out a long breath, and some of the tension seeped from his shoulders.
“Yeah, we do.”
“I’m not going to pretend otherwise just to keep this going.”