“I spent a long time feeling like you didn’t actually want me around,” I continued, the words coming more steadily now. “Like every conversation we had was something you were tolerating instead of enjoying.”
“That’s not fair.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “Maybe not. But it’s how it felt.”
Through the open doors behind me, I could see Sasha in the kitchen, pretending not to watch me. He was terrible at it.
“And I think,” I continued slowly, “part of the reason things got like this is that I remind you of Dad.”
This time, the silence was heavier but I refused to be the one to break it. I wanted to hear her say it, no matter how much it might hurt.
“You have his personality.”
I did, but what was wrong with that?
“I know.”
“You’re impulsive.”
“I know.”
“You’re … a lot.”
Ouch.
I laughed softly, but there was no joy or amusement behind it. “That one I definitely know. Not like you’d ever let me forget it.”
“But it doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you,” she said indignantly.
My chest tightened slightly. “I believe that’s what you thought.”
I did. And yet, it didn’t erase the years of feeling like I was too loud, too intense and too much of an inconvenience for a warm welcome.
“I was lonely, Mom,” I admitted quietly. “For a long time.”
The words hung heavily between us.
“I felt like no one was really … in my corner.”
“I think your dad always knew how to handle you, and I … I didn’t. When he was gone, I wasn’t sure what to do. But I should’ve done better, Adelaide. I’m sorry.” Her voice sounded strained. “I didn’t realize you felt this way.”
I swallowed hard. “Well … now you do.”
“So what are you saying?” she asked after another long stretch of silence.
“I’m saying I’m disappointed and hurt by the way you’ve been treating me.” I hesitated. “But Imightbe willing to work on our relationship.”
Behind me, I could see Sasha leaning casually against the doorframe and listening intently.
“But it can’t just be me trying,” I continued. “If we’re going to fix things, you have to meet me halfway.”
The warm, soft breeze swept across the terrace.
Finally she said quietly, “I can try.”
It wasn’t what I’d hoped or wanted to hear, but at least it was honest.
“I’d like that.”