Sasha
AsIzonedinand read the letter a second and then a third time, the block went quiet around me, as it always did. Conversations faded away and footsteps ceased to register. I knew Kyrill had my back, just in case.
I usually stay.
They gave me pause, those three little words. I cracked my knuckles in agitation as my chest gave the slightest squeeze, almost imperceptible. Addy wasn’t trying to be dramatic; this was simply her reality.
People tended to paint themselves as the hero of their stories, but she’d never done that. As far as I could tell, she hadn’t tried to gloss over anything, least of all her shortcomings or the mistakes she’d made.
I got the impression she was the kind of person who wouldn’t run away when things got tough. She wassomeone who took responsibility unapologetically and unflinchingly.
I exhaled slowly and steadily through my nose while cracking my knuckles one by one.
She stayed for forty-seven minutes to apologize to a man-sized pickle because she considered it rude not to. Most people scattered the second they encountered a problem and even fewer would have apologized.
It was a little detail, something that had likely happened years ago and which didn’t hold any significance whatsoever. It shouldn’t have mattered at all, but for some reason it did.
Perhaps it was because it showed me exactly where she stood when things went sideways. Addy wouldn’t tuck tail and run away; she’d be right in the fucking middle of it.
A muscle in my jaw ticked with irritation as my gaze snagged on a different line.
I tend to edit myself into something more manageable.
The fuck? What had people been telling her?
I learned early on not to shrink myself — it didn’t make me any safer. It just made it easier for people to overlook you.
I dragged the crisp crease of the folded paper loosely between my thumb and index finger, the calloused pads of my fingers scratching across the smooth surface.
The cop story didn’t have the effect on me she’d intended, I was sure. All I learned was how willing she was to lie when it served her purpose and how convincing she could be, even fooling a police officer.
Maybe little Addy should think about a change in career. In fact, I was beginning to think she could be dangerous in a different kind of life.
I snorted at my own thoughts, the paper still gliding through my fingers.
I just assume I’ll be able to deal with whatever comes next.
The words pinged around my head like a rogue pinball. I couldn’t be entirely sure, but I couldn’t imagine her saying this with an air of arrogance or even bravado. If I had to guess, I’d say she was simply confident in her ability to survive.
That whatever happened, she’d find a way to stay standing.
A dark impulse stirred in my chest, wanting to test this theory and find out where her limits really lay. I didn’t like it, just as much as I didn’t like the way I could clearly imagine her in situations she should never be in in the first place.
Why did my mind have to conjure up the image of some other man taking her confidence as permission, herhumor as softness to exploit, and her staying as some kind of invitation?
Fuck that.
My fingers had curled into the paper a fraction without me realizing what I was doing.
Huh. That was new.
Forcing myself to relax my hand, I smoothed the crease I’d left behind.
This wasn’t merely entertainment or a fascination I was indulging in anymore. It was the quiet click of something settling into place.
Addy couldn’t make herself smaller, even if she tried. The world she’d lived in so far had been gentle enough to not make her aware of how much this could cost her.
Of how quickly she could attract the wrong kind of attention — case in point — and how ownership could follow this before permission was ever asked.