‘I worked in a music shop. I was the assistant manager.’
‘What sort of music shop?’
‘You know – guitars, organs, drum-kits. That kind of thing. It wasn’t exactly acareeror anything, but I liked it. I had a little car. I had friends. I had a boyfriend.’
‘Called?’
‘Called Hugh.’
‘And what was he like?’
‘Hugh? Well – he was –is –great. He’s a research scientist. Unbelievably intelligent. And funny. And a good cook. Yeah – Hugh was great.’
Flint watched her as she talked about Hugh, watched the way her cheeks flushed crimson and she suddenly found a dozen things to do with her hands.
‘So what happened?’
‘Oh. You know. We grew apart.’
‘How come?’
‘Well – everything sort of changed, after my dad died.’
‘Shit yeah – I forgot that your dad died, too.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Sheesh. How?’
‘Heart attack. Nothing very exciting. But he was eighty-two years old, so it was – you know?’
‘Still though – what a shame.’
‘It was,’ she said, ‘it is. He was the nicest man in the world. The nicest man ever. He was like my best friend. I know that sounds weird. But he wasn’t like other men of his generation, you know, the war generation. He was different. He even used to come out to the pub with me and my friends sometimes and they all loved him. He was one of those old men who wasn’t scared of the new world – he was excited by new technology and new music and new ways of doing things and looking at things. It was like he found the patterns of change exhilarating and life-affirming rather than threatening. I think I did that for him, I think having a child so late in life did that for him. And even though I’d always known he’d go soon, while I was still quite young, it still came as a shock. So, after he went, everything kind of fell apart a bit.’ She blushed and cleared her throat and took another large slurp of her lager.
‘So?’ said Flint.
‘So what?’
‘So what happened with Hugh?’
‘Oh, well, you know – I got compassionate leave from work and it just sort of went on and on and on, and the longer it went on the less I could cope with the idea of going back to work, dealing with the public. So I resigned. And then my mother developed agoraphobia and I had to go home. To look after her. So I went home ten months ago. And me and Hugh tried to make it work for a while. But I think he got fed up in the end.’
‘Fed up with what?’
‘Well – with me being such a misery-guts, I suppose. With me not being fun any more and not making any effort. He just gave up, and I haven’t spoken to him for weeks now.’
‘That’s a bit rough, isn’t it?’
‘What?’
‘Hugh. Giving up on you when you really needed him?’
Ana shrugged and rubbed her elbows again. ‘I’ve never really thought about it like that. I was always a bit of a burden on him, really and I suppose it was just …’
‘What do you mean – a burden?’
‘I mean – he’s really, really intelligent and all his friends were really intelligent, too – they were all scientists and engineers and that sort of thing – all a few years older than me, and I was always a bit – out of my depth, I guess. I wasn’t much good. I couldn’t cook and I didn’t know anything about politics or world affairs or wine or … or …conspiracy theoriesand all that stuff they liked talking about. I always thought he deserved someone a bit moresophisticated than me, a bit more mature. I think I dragged him down a bit …’