‘Well, we’ve had the coroner’s report back, on Bee, and it’s official, I’m afraid. Suicide.’
Amy gasped and clutched her chest.
‘And, we – me and Bee’s friend – well, we’ve found out why. Something really traumatic happened to her – about fifteen years ago.’
‘Traumatic?’
‘Yes. I’d rather not say what it was, but it explains everything. And the thing is, now that everything’s final, I just really wanted to do something. Something special for Bee. And I know she’d think that she didn’t deserve it. But it seems that everyone else – even those she hurt – feels she deserves it. So I wanted to organize a wake. A funeral. For Bee. You know, a proper funeral, with music and people and wine and tears. Because, did you know, there were only three people at her real funeral? Three.’
‘How awful.’
‘Isn’t it? So. Would you come? If I organized it?’
‘What a good idea. Of course I’d come. Will there be lots of young men there, d’you think?’
Ana smiled at her. ‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘actually there probably will be.’
‘Well then – count me in. What are you planning?’
‘I’m not sure really – I was hoping that maybe you could give me some advice? You must have been to loads of funerals. Oh – sorry, I didn’t mean …’
‘Oh, don’t be embarrassed. Ana. You’re right. I’ve beento more funerals than I’d like to consider. And they’re all different, you know. Each one unique. But Bee – well, hers would be somethingveryspecial. Very special indeed.’
They chatted until early afternoon, when Ana looked at her watch and realized it was time to go if she was going to get anything done that day. She gently heaved the still-slumbering John from her lap and let him flop on to the sofa where he stretched himself out, made a funny little noise and then slipped back into sleep. ‘What are we going to do about him?’ Ana asked.
‘Well,’ said Amy, smiling brightly, ‘don’t you think that John might be rather happy in Devon? Maybe you could adopt him, take him back home?’
Ana’s face fell. The thought of home just made her want to give up living altogether. Made her break out in a cold sweat. Made her – oh my God – made her feel exactly how Bee had always said she felt about going back home after she had come to live in London. She gulped and shook her head. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘I haven’t really decided anything, yet. Would it be all right just to leave him with you until the funeral, until I can decide what I’m going to do?’
Amy looked at her playfully. ‘You’ve no intention of going home, have you?’
Ana looked startled. ‘Of course I have,’ she began, ‘I just …’
‘Oh come on now, you can’t fool me. I can tell you’ve given your heart to this city, haven’t you? You’re not going home now. You’ve come too far.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, last time I saw you you were on a daytrip. You had that mentality. All dressed up in your sister’s clothes. Drinking champagne. Playing out a role. But now you’re a person in your own right, aren’t you?’
Ana’s stomach flipped over and a blush crept up her face. Amy was right. Shewasa person in her own right. For the first time in her life, Ana felt as if she had an identity. Her own identity. Nothing to do with her mum or Bee or Hugh. But to do with her. Ana Wills. She beamed at Amy and got to her feet.
‘Well,’ said Amy, heading towards the front door, ‘I really hope you’ll be able to persuade your poor mother to conquer her terrible fears and make it to the funeral. It would be a tragedy if she missed it. And you know, I think it would be more harmful for her in the long term if she didn’t make the trip.’ She looked poignantly at Ana.
Ana felt her breath catch. She hadn’t evenconsideredher mother. But Amy was right. She couldn’t plan an event like this without trying her hardest to get her mother to attend. It was another chapter in Bee’s damaged lifestory that needed closing. She nodded. ‘I’m going to see what I can do,’ she said.
Amy smiled. ‘Good,’ she said, ‘that’s very good. Now. You’ve got my telephone number. Just call if you need anything. And I have yours and will be in touch. Say goodbye to your Auntie Ana, John.’ She turned to address the snoozing cat, who flicked his tail at her. She smiled. ‘I must admit, I’m not really much of a one for cats. But he really is a particular delight, isn’t he?’
They both turned then and regarded the cat, who studiously ignored them. And then Amy unlocked her manylocks and unchained her many chains, and Ana kissed her on her floury cheek, before heading back home to complete the next part of her plans.
41
‘I want to come with you.’
‘What?’
‘To Devon. Let me come with you. I can drive you there. And I’m good with mothers.’
Ana’s breath caught. The thought of going back to Devon was worrying enough, but going back with aman?It was close to unthinkable. ‘Honestly, Flint. I’ll be fine.’