Tallulah smiles again.
‘How’s Zach?’
‘Oh, he’s fine. You know.’
‘Still together?’
‘Yeah. Just about.’ She laughs drily.
‘It’s tough, with a baby, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah,’ she replies. ‘It has its moments. Especially living together. Actually, I was going to say: remember you talked about getting together with the others? From school?’
‘Yeah!’ Keziah’s face lights up. ‘Oh, definitely. We’re going out tomorrow as it happens. Just to the Ducks. Want to come?’
‘Yes, please,’ Tallulah says brightly, feeling the plan fall into place. ‘That’d be great. What time?’
‘Sevenish? Or whenever you can get away really. What with the bubba and everything.’ Keziah makes that pained face again, the face she makes every time she looks at Noah, almost as if his beauty is a terrible blight of some kind.
‘Great,’ says Tallulah. ‘I’ll see you then!’
She pushes the buggy back out of the shop and then walks for an hour, up to the other end of the village where the estate is, andto the common around the back lanes. She times her walk so that she gets back half an hour before her mother and Ryan return, long enough for the argument to play itself out. As she approaches the cul-de-sac her heart races with anticipation. She turns her key in the lock and pushes open the door. ‘Hello,’ she calls out.
Noah is still asleep and she leaves him in his buggy in the hallway and peers around the living-room door.
Zach sits on the sofa, his phone on his hand. He looks up at her darkly. ‘Where the fuck have you been?’
She closes the door behind her.
‘Took Noah out for a walk. It was too nice to stay in and I’ve done all my revision.’
‘I’ve called you, like, a hundred times. Why didn’t you fucking answer?’
She pulls her phone from the pocket of her hoodie and glances at it. ‘Oh,’ she says. ‘Shit. Sorry. It was on silent.’
‘Shit. Sorry. It was on silent,’ he mimics her. ‘What the sort of mother goes out without telling anyone and leaves their phone on silent?’
‘Er, me, I guess.’ Her tone is glib, but beneath her rib cage, her heart is hammering.
‘I literally had no idea where you both were. You could have been dead for all I knew.’
‘Well, we’re not. So it’s fine.’
He shakes his head. ‘Unbelievable,’ he says. ‘Totally unbelievable. And not only that but it’s Wednesday. You know,ourWednesday.’
‘Oh, shit,’ she says. ‘God. I forgot. I’m really sorry.’
‘No, you’re not. You’re not fucking sorry. I can tell.’
‘I am. Honestly. I just finished my revision and it was so gorgeous out and Noah was getting scratchy for his nap and I just thought how nice it would be to get out and about for a while and I totally forgot it was Wednesday.’
‘Youforgot it was Wednesday?’ He groans and rolls his eyes. ‘And here we go again. Just when I thought we were finally getting somewhere, that you were finally taking this seriously. I should have guessed. This is just like a joke to you, isn’t it? This.’ He gestures between the two of them. ‘Me. You. Noah. Just a game. You know, I sometimes feel like if something better came along, you’d just walk away from Noah and me, you know, like you don’t give a shit about anyone apart from yourself.’
Tallulah swallows down a burst of rage. The idea of walking away from Noah is monstrous, unimaginable. She tips her head slightly and says, ‘Whatever.’
‘Whatever?’
‘Yes. Whatever. You’ve clearly made your mind up about me and what sort of person I am and what I want and don’t want. And I can’t be bothered arguing with you.’ She sighs. ‘I’m going to get myself a cup of tea,’ she says, turning towards the kitchen. ‘Want anything?’