I replied:Burn it.
He said:I can’t. Dad knows it’s here. I’m going to confront him with it.
He sent me a photo of the writing in the card.
It said: ‘I can’t wait any longer. I’m dying. Leave her now or I’m going to kill myself.’
I thought, Jesus, what a drama queen. I thought, How do these people get jobs where they’re allowed to mess with the insides of children’s heads?
I replied to Josh:Don’t do anything. Just wait.
No, he replied.It’s time.
My heart raced. I felt weirdly sick, like it was my family in jeopardy, not somebody else’s.
I didn’t hear back from Josh for hours after that. It was cold and damp out and there was a light drizzle in the air and I thought, I don’t fancy sleeping out tonight, so I got into my comfy joggers, ate lasagne out of the microwave and watchedShakespeare in Loveon the TV. Aaron came back about 11 p.m. and we chatted for a while. And then I got a message from Josh:She’s here! Alicia’s here! At our house! She’s going mental! Can you come over?
I called through to Aaron in the kitchen. ‘I’m just popping over to a friend’s place.’
‘Which friend?’ he called back.
‘Just a friend from school. Lives Hampstead way. I’ll be back soon, OK?’
I got to Roan’s place at about eleven fifteen. It all seemed quiet. I messaged Josh:I’m outside. What’s going on?
He replied:I think I got rid of her.
What about your parents?
They’re out, he replied.
I said:I’ll keep watch.
I walked around the corner and sat on the wall. All was quiet. After about fifteen minutes I saw Roan and his wife come home. They looked tipsy and happy and were holding hands. Then it was quiet again for a while.
I messaged Josh. I said:I think she must have gone home. No sign of her out here. I’ll wait till midnight, OK?
He replied:You’re the best.
I replied with a smiley face and a medal emoji.
Another fifteen minutes passed. A couple walked past holding hands; she held a single rose in her other hand. A man walked past with a small white dog. A woman walked past staring at her phone.
And then I saw something, a movement in my peripheral vision. There was a woman standing right outside Roan’s front door. She had her phone in her hand. She turned slightly and I saw that it was Alicia.
I crossed the street so I was now on the same side of the road as Roan’s house.
I whispered, ‘Alicia!’
She turned and looked at me. I could see she’d been crying and I could see she was drunk. She said, ‘Yes?’
I said, ‘Whatever it is you’re about to do, don’t do it. OK?’
She said, ‘Do I know you?’
‘I used to be a patient at the Portman Centre. I know Roan. And I know what you and Roan have been doing.’
She said, ‘It’s none of your business.’