I let out a laugh that sounds suspiciously like a choked sob as I lift her up, holding her high while she shrieks in triumph.
“Mia.” Amanda’s voice is close. I turn to see her dropping to her knees next to me. “Look at you, my big girl. Come here.” She reaches for her daughter, and Mia goes willingly into her mom’s arms. Amanda smothers her face with kisses, and the two laugh. I smile, watching them celebrate and sending up a silent thank-you that I was here for this moment.
“She did it!” someone yells.
“Go, Mia!” Baker adds, like he can’t believe what he just witnessed.
Mia turns as if she’s looking for something, and when her eyes land on mine, she reaches for me again. I hesitate, but Amanda nods and allows me to take her while she wipes at her cheeks. Her smile is radiant, and I wish more than anything that I could hold both of them.
Instead, I press my face into Mia’s soft hair, breathing her in. My heart feels like it’s grown three sizes in the last thirty seconds. She pats my cheeks with both hands, babbling proudly, like she knows she just conquered the world.
“You did it,” I whisper against her temple. “I’m so proud of you, baby girl.”
Behind me, everyone is still celebrating. Coral and Camden come rushing over, so I take a seat on the floor, and they climb onto my lap with Mia, telling her how good she did. Mia claps when Camden and Coral do, and my eyes find Amanda’s. She’s smiling and crying, and my hands ache to hold her.
There’s a swarm of activity as everyone sends Amanda the video footage. The pizza we ordered for dinner arrives because none of us feels like cooking, and we wrangle the kids, making them plates before preparing our own. The next couple of hours are loud and full of laughs, moments I missed out on after my divorce, moments I’ll never again take for granted.
“This little one is done for the day,” Reid says, rubbing Coral’s back. She’s resting against his shoulders, her eyes barely open.
“Yeah,” Knox agrees, standing with a sleeping Alexander in his arms.
One by one, everyone heads off to bed. “I’ll lock up,” I tell them. With a chorus of “Goodnights,” it’s just me. I clean up a little, make sure the door is locked and the lights are out, and use my cell phone to light the way to the room I’ll be sharing with Amanda and Mia.
When I reach the bedroom door, I hesitate. I don’t want to knock and risk waking Mia, who was asleep when Amanda brought her up to bed. I decide to tap lightly and then slowly push the door open. I point my phone at the ground, but it gives me enough light to see Amanda in bed, and I assume Mia is in her Pack ’N Play.
Closing the door, I grab some gym shorts to sleep in and disappear into the bathroom. I try to be as quiet as possible as I change clothes and brush my teeth for bed. Gathering my dirty clothes and my phone, I turn out the light and push open the door. Blindly, I make my way to the bed, toss my clothes on the floor to handle in the morning, and place my phone on the cordless charger before sliding into bed.
I lie completely still, staring up at the ceiling. My hands itch to hold her, to bring her to my bed, or slide into hers. “Goodnight, my girls,” I whisper softly. Silence greets me. I close my eyes, willing sleep to claim me.
“This is harder than I thought it would be,” Amanda whispers.
My eyes pop open as I turn my head. “Can’t sleep?” I ask.
“No.”
“Me either,” I say, rolling onto my side to face her. I can’t see her, but it makes me feel better, knowing I’m at least facing her. “I’ve missed you. Both of you,” I add, because Amanda has captured my mind. And her daughter, well, that little cutie has her fist wrapped around my heart.
“I’m sorry about the trip. I didn’t know,” she whispers.
“I did.” My voice is gruff as I confess.
“What?” she asks. I can hear the bed shift.
“I knew that you and Mia were coming. That’s the only reason I said yes. I didn’t know we’d be sharing a room, but I’m not mad about getting time with the two of you.”
“It’s not fair.”
I agree. “What’s not fair?” I ask instead, just in case she’s not thinking about how wrong it is that we’ve fallen under each other’s spell, but we can’t act on it. I’ve never felt this strong an attraction in my entire life. Not even with my ex-wife.
“That we can’t see what this is.”
“I can’t sleep—not because you’re in the room, but because you’re here and not next to me.”
“Will,” she breathes.
I can’t do it. I can’t stay away from her.
I know it’s risky, but the words are out before I can stop them, not that I would take them back. “Can I hold you?” My voice cracks with emotion, and my heart races. Asking is a risk, and it goes against what we both already decided—that whatever this is, we can’t pursue it, but fuck it. For tonight, I just need to hold her.