“Their pretzel bites are so good. Mia loves them.”
“Does she? We’ll have to bring her back here sometime. They’re not as good when heated up. Ask me how I know,” he says, with a smile.
“They’re not,” I agree.
“How’s the car?” he asks as Todd drops off our drinks and quickly moves on.
“Good. It actually drives better,” I tell him. “I know that sounds weird, but it does.”
He smirks almost as if he has a secret. “I’m glad,” he answers.
“How was the draft?”
He nods, taking a drink of his tea. “We’ve brought some incredible new talent to the team. It’s gonna be another great season.”
“It will be here before you know it. It seems like the older I get, or maybe it’s the older Mia gets, time seems to fly by. She’s going to have her first birthday soon—well, two months—but to me, that’s too soon.”
“They grow up fast.” He nods.
“Yeah,” I agree.
“I always wanted more,” he says, shocking me. “Candice and I, we argued a lot, and the time never felt right.”
“I can’t have kids,” I tell him. “We tried for so long, and when we finally decided to adopt, he got his assistant pregnant, and he was done with me.”
“I’m sorry,” Will says, and his eyes tell me he means it. It’s not just empty words to fill the space between us. “He didn’t deserve you. Either of you,” he adds, including Mia, and my heart swells ten sizes.
“I know. I worry about doing it on my own, and I would love for her to have a sibling, but being a single mom of one is hard enough. I don’t know that I could do it with two.”
“You could,” Will says, his voice firm. “Just give it some time. Let Mia get a little older, and you might change your mind. Besides, you know you have a massive support group.”
“But it’s not their job to help me raise them.”
Will places his elbows on the table and leans forward. “Everyone needs help, Mandy. Single parents and two parents—it takes a village. I know you’ve heard that. I understand you feel the weight of responsibility because you chose to take this journey of parenthood on your own, but it’s okay not to have it all together all the time. It’s okay to let your best friend demand a sleepover, or for you to even ask her for one. You’re an incredible mother. Don’t let the noise, the doubts, or the insecurities get in the way of that. Any child on the receiving end of your love would be damn lucky.”
Emotion wells in the back of my throat, and thankfully, Todd saves me because he drops off refills and our pretzel bites. “Thank you,” I whisper. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it’s not for Will to reach across the table and take my hand in his.
“I meant every word.” His warm chocolate gaze is locked on mine, and it’s suddenly hard to breathe. He releases me and picks up a pretzel bite, dips it into the cheese, and pops it into his mouth. “So good,” he says, and I can’t resist taking one for myself.
“How’s work going?” he asks.
Covering my mouth while I finish chewing, I take a quick drink before answering. “Good. It’s a lot to make sure we have talent seven days a week, but I enjoy it. I’ve got good health benefits, which is important, and I can make my own hours, even work from home when needed.”
“The flexibility makes it nice.”
“It does. Ethan and I always talked about me staying home once we had kids, but…” My voice trails off.
“Is that what you wanted or what he wanted for you?”
I take a few minutes to think about my answer. “Both, I think. I’d love nothing more than to be able to stay home with Mia. There are days I drop her off at day care, and I just want to cry, but I know it’s good for her, especially as she gets older, to be around other children and learn the structure.” I do know that it’s good for her, but damn, I feel like a bad mom every time I drop her off. Feel like I’m not doing enough. Not there for her as I should be. I know it’s my hangup, and that comes from the scars of my divorce.
“Taking your child to day care doesn’t make you a bad mom, Mandy,” he says gently.
“How did you know that’s where my mind was going?”
The smile he gives me is soft and warm, and I could quickly get addicted to seeing him look at me that way. “Because I know you. You’re too hard on yourself.”
“Now you sound like Bellamy,” I tease. It’s important that I bring her into this conversation because I’m quickly forgetting that the man across from me is her father—not simply a kind, caring man who offered to have dinner with me. He is all of that, but he’s also someone I can’t have.