I think about my ex. About being told I was too much, too emotional, too everything. About three months of being alone, convinced I was better off that way.
And then I think about Carter. About the way he looks at me, touches me, makes me feel like exactly enough.
"I want there to be an us," I tell him.
Chapter 10 - Riot
One month.
That's how long I've been working for the Savage Riders. Four weeks of security runs, protection details, and keeping Blackwater Falls safe from the kind of trash that thinks a small town is easy pickings.
Four weeks of proving to myself that King wasn't full of shit. That this MC is exactly what they claim to be—protectors, not predators.
And they are. Every single one of them.
I've watched King turn away business that would have been profitable but crossed ethical lines. Watched Tank break up a domestic dispute with more patience than I've ever seen from an MC enforcer. Watched Shadow, quiet, deadly Shadow, spend an afternoon helping an elderly woman whose car broke down, refusing payment because "that's not what we do."
They're the real deal. The kind of brotherhood my parents believed in. The kind I thought was dead and buried with the good men from my old club.
The kind I want to be part of again.
I've talked to Alice about this. Multiple times over the past month, actually, making sure she understood what it would mean. That being with a patched member is different from dating someone who just works for the club. That there's a level of commitment and danger that comes with wearing a cut.
She listened every time. Asked questions. Thought about it seriously instead of just agreeing to make me happy.
And last night, after Maya went to bed in the small house I'm renting on the edge of town, temporary until I figure outsomething more permanent, Alice looked at me over the rim of her wine glass and said, "Do it. Ask them. I can see how much you miss it, how much you need it. And I meant what I said, I'm not going anywhere."
We'd been talking about more than just the MC, too. About the future. About how Maya and I are renting this house month-to-month, but maybe we don't need to. Maybe we could move in with Alice. Be closer, be together properly. Maya would love it. She asks almost daily when she can see Biscuit again, even though we visit Alice nearly every evening.
Alice had smiled when I brought it up. "I want that too. My house is big enough for all of us. And Maya would be so happy having Biscuit there all the time."
"You sure?" I'd asked. "It's a big step."
"I'm sure. I love you. I love Maya. I want us to be a family."
A family. The word had hit me right in the chest, in the best possible way.
So, this morning, I texted King.
*Need to talk. You available today?*
His response came back within minutes: *Clubhouse. 2pm. See you then.*
Now it's 1:58 pm, and I'm pulling up to the Savage Riders clubhouse on my bike. The gate is open like always, and I can see King's bike parked out front along with Tank's massive Harley and a few others I recognize.
My hands are sweating. Ridiculous. I've faced down armed men without breaking a sweat, but asking to prospect for an MC has my palms damp like a nervous teenager.
Because this matters. This is the first time since everything went to shit that I've wanted to be part of something bigger than myself. The first time I've been willing to trust a brotherhood again.
I kill the engine and climb off, taking a moment to steady myself before heading inside.
The clubhouse is exactly as I remember from that first night. Clean but lived-in, organized but comfortable. The kind of place that's actually used, not just for show. I can hear voices from the main room, the crack of pool balls connecting.
King is sitting at the main table, a cup of coffee in front of him. Tank is beside him, arms crossed over his massive chest, looking as intimidating as always. In the corner, Shadow and Chaos are playing pool. Shadow lining up a shot while Chaos talks shit in that easy way of his.
They all look up when I walk in.
"Carter," King greets, gesturing to the chair across from him. "Right on time. Want coffee?"