‘I’m sure.’
‘Ok.’ I fish one of the vials out of the bag and read the tiny text on the label. ‘Collins, Jennifer.’ I hold the tube aloft for a moment before screwing off the top. ‘Cheers, Jen,’ I mutter, and I down it in one.
And then he gags. He gags so hard that I’m a little afraid he’s going to pass out again. I immediately regret doing it in front of him, no matter what he said, and I shove the sandwich bag deep down at the very bottom of my bag.
‘Quinn,’ I start, already spiralling. A sudden wave of concern hits me, the reality of this life suddenly very vivid before us. He holds out a hand, breathing deeply, and when he’s got the retching situation under control he does something I don’t expect.
He smiles.
‘I know what you’re thinking,’ he says, that dimple popping in his cheek, ‘but you don’t need to worry.’
I take a steadying breath. ‘I just want to make sure you’re making the right choice for you. I know you can be?—’
‘An idiot?’ he asks, his smile not dropping even a little. But that’s the last thing I was going to say. He says this about himself a lot, but the Quinn I know is far from an idiot.
‘Impulsive, I was going to say.’ I reach for him, trailing my fingers under his jaw, where I can feel his pulse. ‘I know there’s pressure with Elias’s schedule and your symptoms, but if you’re anything less than completely sure, we could wait.’
His smile drops, brows pinching again. He looks as serious as I’ve ever seen him.
‘Florence.’
‘It’s just such a big decision,’ I blurt out, ‘and I hate the idea that you might feel pressured. Like you might just be doing it for me.’
He holds up a hand to stop me. ‘Florence,’ he says again, more weight to it this time. ‘OfcourseI’m doing it for you.’ His smile returns, a little softer now, and when he speaks, it’s careful, like he’s thought through every word. ‘Of course I am. For you, for us, for me. It’s all the same now.’ He reaches a hand for my face again and strokes my cheek reverently. ‘You’re an essential part of it all.’
I’m suddenly hit with a wave of emotion so intense that I’m not sure how to deal with it. Tears blur my vision, as something soars in my chest.
‘Really?’ I manage.
Quinn’s fingers move to cup my jaw. ‘Really.’ He takes a deep breath, and I hear it catch. ‘I’m a better me when I’m with you.’
I sob out a little laugh and lean my face into his hand, overwhelmed by the idea that my happily ever after is within reach after all these years.
‘Ok?’ he asks.
‘Ok.’ I say it like a promise, because it feels like one.
Quinn takes another breath, deep and unsteady, and his thumb drags a slow path across my lips before it drops, and he lightly pinches my chin.
‘I’m also a better me when I’m not hungry. Just saying.’
And with that, all the tension and fear and uncertainty of the last few days escape me in my roughest, messiest laugh. It’s a few seconds before I can compose myself, but when I do, I look over to see him watching me with an expression of absolute adoration on his face. It’s a look of such wonder that I think it changes something fundamental in me.
He’s mine, I think.My home. My everything.
But I don’t tell him that. Not yet. Instead, I wipe my eyes and slap him on the shoulder.
‘Eat,’ I say, my voice thick with every unspoken feeling inside me. ‘Eat your godforsaken food, and after you do, I’m taking you home, scrubbing every last molecule of that garlic off you, and dragging you to bed.’
His eyes blaze, a knowing smirk pulling at his lips. I want to kiss him, to bury my face into his neck, where I can feel his heartbeat. I want to memorise the rhythm of it and keep it with me long after it has stopped.
I want everything, and I want it with him. Only him.
Always.
ChapterThirty-Four
QUINN