From the look on his face, he absolutely does know, and the knowing grin that spreads across his face almost makes me gasp a breath there and then. But then, like he knows I’m struggling with it all, he changes the subject entirely.
‘I came by the clinic this afternoon.’
I nod, even though it wasn’t a question. ‘I was off.’
‘I know,’ he says, a smile not far from his lips. ‘Cam had to take my blood. He’s not nearly as gentle as you.’
I breathe out a gentle laugh. ‘You did it, though.’
‘I did.’ He smiles, then there’s a pause before he says anything else. ‘I hoped you’d be there. I, um…’ He flips onto his back and floats, arms and legs spread wide in a star shape. ‘I wanted to apologise. For the kiss.’
That takes me aback. ‘Ikissedyou.’
He lifts his head a little way out of the water, just enough that he can glance at me. ‘I know that.’
Something cold curls its way around my ribcage, tightening fingers that pull at my chest. Does he regret the kiss? Does he think I do?
‘It’s not like youforcedme or anything,’ I bite out. ‘I was into it.’
He chuckles. ‘I know that, too.’
I frown. ‘Then what are you apologising for? Doyouregret it?’
It comes out sharper than I was expecting, and when he flips back onto his front and swims the few strokes back to the side, I think I might have upset him. But then he turns back to look at me with the most devastating smile on his face.
‘No, Florence,’ he says, his voice gravelly and low. ‘I don’t regret a single second of it.’
‘Then don’t apologise for it.’ I swim after him and grab onto the side of the pool a little way down from where he is, the furrow in my brow so deep I can feel it aching. ‘I should be apologising to you.’
His gaze intensifies. ‘Why, doyouregret it?’
‘Not a single second of it,’ I say before I can stop myself. And as it comes out of my mouth, I realise it’s the truth. I didn’t stop because I wasn’t enjoying it, I stopped because Iwas enjoying it too much. Because it felt like the start of something– something big.
‘So why are you fighting it so hard?’Josiah whispers to me suddenly, and I’m so on edge that I completely forget to keep my reaction to him under wraps.
‘Because I’m not ready to lose him!’ I blurt, a wobble of emotion in my voice. ‘Not after the way I lost you.’
It feels like the sound of my admission bounces off every last surface in the room before it returns to me, layer upon layer of its echo hitting me as I float there, hypersensitive and numb all at the same time. It’s so much all at once that I don’t notice that Quinn has gently pulled me to shallower water until my feet touch the ground.
His hands are on my shoulders and he’s saying my name and he’s looking at me with such tenderness that I almost can’t bear it.
‘Florence,’ he says again, his voice quiet and calming. I can only just see him through the blur of tears. ‘Who are you talking to?’
ChapterNineteen
QUINN
Florence blinks at me, her eyes wide and wild and half full of tears.
I don’t know what happened just then, what upset her, but she was definitely talking to someone, someone who wasn’t me. But there’s no one in this pool other than us. No one in this whole place that I’ve seen. And now she’s crying and I don’t know if it was because of something I did.
She seemed upset with me about the kiss. About me apologising for it, specifically. But I told her the truth. I don’t regret it for a moment; I only regret that it made things weird between us.
She drags in a deep, unsteady breath and it makes something clench tightly in my chest. Every instinct I have is telling me to gather her up in my arms and pull her into me, but I’m not sure what the etiquette is for hugging someone in swimwear. Don’t get me wrong, it feels like the kind of activity I’d usually participate in with enthusiasm, but Florence is already upset and the last thing I want is to make her feel uncomfortable.
So instead, I take her hands in mine and walk her a little further into the shallow end, where she can stand comfortably. I lean back against the wall and stretch my legs out so we’re at the same height.
‘Sorry,’ she says after a few minutes, dabbing at her eyes with a damp forefinger. It doesn’t help, just spreads the moisture around a little. ‘I’m just having a moment.’