‘Okay. I really wanted a holiday. But honestly, I do think you need rescuing from yourself because I am not kidding you, sis, that whole “up your bum” thing still has me roaring with laughter. Poor Tyrone pranged his car on a lamp post, he was so busy laughing. Three days it took for him to eventually stop. You’re an actual meme and you’re trending on TikTok.’
Cam snorts with laughter. ‘Sorry. I’m not laughing. I just got some… dust up my nose.’
I tut loudly. He’s not the worst liar in the car.
‘I appreciate you’ve come all this way but,’ I say sadly, ‘I can’t leave the show yet. Porscha has threatened to…’ I stop talking, unsure I should be revealing this to Cam.
‘Porscha who?’
‘The TV boss lady. The really evil boss lady pulling all of the strings.’
‘What has she threatened to do?’ Lois asks, shuffling closer and taking my hand. ‘Is she bullying you?’
I avoid making eye contact with Cam in the mirror.
‘No. I mean, yes. Kind of. But it’s complicated.’
‘Just leave. You’ve been on the show. You’ve fulfilled the contract criteria. Tyrone has been over it at work and all the lawyers say you can leave now without any repercussions.’
My sister’s face softens at the mention of Tyrone. ‘Ah, tell him thanks,’ I say. ‘I miss him. I bet he’s so jealous you flew out here without him.’
Lois grins. ‘He’s here! He’s at the hotel. We’ve brought our engagement holiday forward. As in we’ve put it on the credit card. And those bastards in children’s ICU owe me so many holidays, it’s a joke. So, we’ll drop you at the villa, pack your stuff up and we’ll get you out of there. We’ll stay on for two weeks and have a lovely holiday together!’
‘I wish I could, but it’s not that simple.’
‘It is. Just stand up to this Porscha person. It’s about time you learned to stick up for yourself.’
‘I know. You’re right,’ I say in hushed tones. ‘But I… can’t. I have to go back and finish the show.’
Lois looks confused and leans over to Cam. ‘I thought you said Libby was desperate to leave?’
‘Porscha’s blackmailing you, isn’t she?’ says Cam, his voice flat. ‘It’s about me. She’s forcing you to stay and is using me as bait.’
I nod. ‘Sorry. She said she’d bad-mouth you to everyone in the industry and you’d never work in TV again. She also said she’d edit me to look really bad, and I’d never get another teaching job.’
‘Oh my God. What a nasty bitch.’ Lois turns to me. ‘Give me your boiler suit and your hairband. And your muddy boots.’
‘You can’t be serious.’
She practically yanks the suit from my body. ‘Hell, yeah, I am. I came all this way to make sure you are okay. I’m not going to let her get away with this.’ Lois has steam coming out of her ears. ‘I’ll go in there and give her a piece of my mind. Your mind. I’ll give her a piece of our mind.’
‘How did you get to be so fiery? Anyway, it won’t work. She’ll still sack Cam and she’ll turn whole nations against me, and we’ll both lose out.’
‘Not if we get a proper plan together,’ says Cam. ‘I’m not a producer for nothing. Being creative with the truth is what I do.’
‘We have approximately three minutes,’ I say. ‘There’s no time to come up with a plan.’
‘Okay. How about this?’ Lois says to Cam, wiping some mud onto her cheeks and hair. ‘I swap with Libby for one night to buy you and her some time to figure all this out?’
‘That is a terrible idea,’ I say.
Oh, how the tables have turned.
‘Cam, will I get to meet Destiny?’ Lois says, ignoring me completely. ‘Is she as awesome as she comes across on-screen? Is she really that orange in real life?’
‘Lois, you can’t pretend to be me just to go on the show.’
We all take a beat to let the irony sink in.