Page 57 of Coupling Up

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There’s a confused silence while none of us are quite sure what to make of it.

We make our way to the firepit. The flames are in full swing, and the whole villa is ablaze with neon, lit up like a nightclub. Me in my killer heels and outfit. Destiny instructs us to sit in our couples and for Mimi to stand on her own in front.

Giovanni, his arm still in a sling, is looking me up and down with his tongue hanging out. ‘You are so hot! So sexy! Like a hot, sexy OnlyFans hooker nurse.’

I can’t help preening under the compliment and wiggle around in my seat, flicking my hair and batting my lashes, in case Cam is watching me on a screen in one of the hides. I look seductively around for which one he might be in. I’m desperate to see him. To see what he makes of my outfit.

‘Islanders,’ booms Destiny from beneath her heavy fringe. It is impossible to tell whether her eyes are open or shut. ‘It is time to meet your next bombshell.’

We all pretend to look confused – namely because Destiny just told us to – and the music blasts out. In walks a stunning male model. He pauses at the big love heart, giving us a moment to take him in before striding confidently to the firepit. He stands with his legs even wider apart than Giovanni does. He treats us to a blindingly white smile thanks to what must be thousands of dollars’ worth of dental surgery.

‘Now, that’s how to make an entrance,’ I say under my breath. He takes one look at Mimi, picks her up and swings her round.

‘Great to finally meet you all,’ he says, putting her back down. Mimi is immediately smitten.

Giovanni stiffens next to me, mumbling, ‘What the fuck is going on?’

‘Islanders, meet…’ We wait for the music to stop playing and for the camera to circle around us on a track. ‘…Carlton.’

We cast our eyes over him. He’s tall, in perfect physical condition, has short dark hair, classic features that I would describe as captain of the football team in American high school movies type of handsome, and he is wearing lovely shoes. If he says he’s a trainee children’s doctor or a vet, he’s the whole package.

‘Tell us about yourself, hun,’ coos Destiny, clearly liking what she sees.

‘I’m kinda like an introvert. I like staying home and watching movies, with a glass of wine and the candles on,’ he says, causing the girls to instantly ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’. ‘But I also like to go out clubbing, you know? Music festivals, extreme sports and travelling with a whole bunch of friends.’

So just a normal person then.

Destiny quizzes the new bombshell on who he has had his eye on, and he looks straight at me and says, ‘Libby. I’m here to find my person. I’m ready to settle down and have kids.’ He keeps staring at me.

I gulp.

Carlton continues on, ‘After I’ve seen the world and climbed the six highest peaks in Canada. And I also have my eye on Mimi and Amber. You are all stunning. Absolutely stunning.’

‘I’m afraid you can only pick one, Carlton. But I have to warn you. If you pick one of the girls tonight who is already coupled up, then that boy will be dumped from the island. If you don’t pick a girl who is not coupled up, she will also be dumped from the island. Who are you going to choose?’

Carlton makes a right drama out of choosing. He takes so long staring at each of us in turn that I begin to feel sick with nerves. I look along the line to see the others, especially the guys, all look the same. Pale and drained. Poor Mimi is standing there like a lump of going-out-of-date cheese waiting to be picked. Seriously? What is wrong with him? She is the only girl not attached to a male. If he picks her, it would mean everyone gets to stay in the villa. Win-win.

I give myself a mental slap. This is why they do the recouplings and dumpings through the night when we are tired, weak and too vulnerable to think straight. They want to catch us off guard and to make us cry for the camera. I look again at the guys. They look so fed up.

Hold it together, Libby, for goodness’ sake. None of it is real anyway.

‘It’s so hard to choose,’ Carlton says, looking longingly at Destiny. I stifle a yawn and see Amber is doing the same. Poor Mimi looks positively tearful. He looks her over again and then glances over at me and Amber.

I swear I will slap him. I will slap. He scratches his chin as though he’s got all friggin’ day… or night. Who knows what time it is!

‘You’re not trying to choose an avocado,’ someone yells at him. ‘Just pick a frigging girl and get the fuck on with it!’

It’s a few seconds before I realise it is me. Shitting hell. Hopefully they’ll cut that bit. Thanks to some pretty intensive teacher training, it’s the first time I’ve sworn out loud for years. I am mortified.

‘I meant get the fudge on with it.’

A broad grin spreads across Carlton’s face as he makes eye contact with me.

‘I just love a girl with spirit,’ he says in his Texan drawl. ‘Come to Papa.’ He winks at me, and I almost throw up in my mouth. My hand flies to my lips as I retch a few times.

I shake my head vigorously. ‘No, I don’t think so.’

Come to Papa. I mean, who says that? Who?