Instinctively, he crouches down, and I feel his warm fingers undo each of the buckles on my sandals. If it weren’t for the fear of Porscha catching us, it would be very erotic. He has an incredibly gentle touch. I literally can’t breathe as he undoes the buckles around the tops of my thighs and slides the straps softly down my legs as though he were peeling down my stockings. He straightens up and we share a fond look before he puts a finger to his lips and switches the microphone back on.
He mouths ‘Good luck’ to me and disappears through the kitchen door.
I wait a few seconds and go through the cupboard door into the outdoor kitchen. All the Islanders are waving Ella off. She is in floods of tears and howling like a neutered cat at the injustice. She is spitting feathers and vowing to sue LoveIt TV into the, excuse my French, ‘shitting ground’. When I hear her telling Destiny she can fudge right off, I seize the opportunity to scamper straight through to the ‘Hello Gorgeous’ dressing room and adjoining bathroom.
Again, I am so thankful that I had the virtual tour yesterday from Cam, so I have a vague idea of where I’m going. We also went over and over the blueprints so that I would know the lay of the land before coming in, and the bios of all the contestants so that I would know who I am up against.
After I’ve showered off all the mud, I wrap myself in a towel and go through to get ready. It’s so hard knowing there’s cameras everywhere. I spot the case with the pineapple lying under the dressing table in the centre of the room. I drag it open and exhale with relief as I pull out actual clothes made of cloth. My hand lands on a stunning dress. I’m sliding it over my head when I hear the clatter of the girls approaching. They are surprised to see me in here and gather round.
‘That was so savage.’
‘Yeah, like so savage.’
‘One hundred per cent savage.’
‘Girl, you savage.’
I stand up and pull down my dress. ‘You’re all just saying the same thing.’
‘Because, girl, that was totally one hundred per cent savage what you did back there.’
Seriously?
It’s time to make a stand and start how I mean to go on. ‘I didn’t know that was going to happen, did I?’
‘Didn’t you?’
Four sceptical faces peer back at me.
‘Does the bombshell usually have any say in what happens on this show?’ I argue, placing a hand on my hip. I refuse to be bullied. I came in here for… Actually, I’m no longer sure what I came in here for, but I know it wasn’t to be heckled by these stunning, jelly-lipped, identikit girls with their all-over tans and superb hair and nail extensions.
‘Are you being funny right now?’ a petite Asian-looking girl I recognise as Amber tuts. ‘You can never tell with the British. Can you, Mimi?’
‘No, honey. You can’t.’
Well, you can, I want to say, but decide to keep quiet. I don’t want my second time on camera to be me being rude. I shake my head and smile. ‘I just meant…’
‘We know what you meant. You came in here to find love just like the rest of us and you’ll do anything to get it,’ says Mimi, quite the forceful blonde. ‘Including being savage.’
No, I definitely won’t. It’s notThe Hunger Games.
‘We’ve been told to get ready for a night of fireworks,’ Amber says, leafing through a hanger full of outfits. ‘What’s everyone wearing? Glam? Semi-glam? Mimi, where you at, hun?’
‘I’m going all out to catch my man’s attention,’ says Mimi. ‘He ain’t lookin’ no place else tonight!’
Phew. I’m already yesterday’s news.
The girls start pulling out seats, rummaging round in the wardrobes and flicking switches on hair straighteners, hair tongs and all manner of hair-styling tools. Out come industrial-size make-up boxes, rolls of brushes and endless pots and pots of make-up. We have all jostled for seats at the central carousel in the dressing room to apply our ‘looks’ for tonight. The carousel was custom-built for the show at a cost of twenty grand – Cam told me yesterday – so that we can all get round it and gossip, while the cameras can pick up everyone’s faces and voices clearly. The mirrors and lights are professional standard and reveal every single flaw. I try not to flick my eyes to the camera hidden above in the Hello Gorgeous neon sign. It will be recording my every movement.
‘It must be so hard to be the bombshell,’ says Mimi, swishing a big fat brush over her face. ‘I’m glad I’m an original. Amber, can I borrow your blusher?’
‘Heck, yeah,’ Amber says, handing her a paint palette so big you could paint your whole house with it. ‘I’d hate to be the bombshell. Coming in, having to be all that.’
They are making me nervous. I’m not sure how they managed to bond this quick and take an active dislike to me but that’s how it feels. I’m getting distinct negative energy vibes from the lot of them.
‘All I had to do was walk six feet in a pool of mud and slide down to the firepit,’ I joke to ease the tension. ‘Nothing hard about that.’
They look at each other in disbelief. ‘We meant it must be so hard having to look better than the rest of us put together.’