Porscha remains unconvinced and is eyeballing Cam. He has lost his words. I blame myself. I practically made him an alcoholic over the two days I have been in his care. And now I have put him in an untenable situation with my desire to kiss him. Shame on me.
‘Don’t worry, Porscha, I have strong moral values that I guard with the utmost integrity. Your secret is safe with me.Bono moralia, custodio integretate.’
Christ. Trust our school motto to be the only thing to spring to mind.
‘Excuse me?’ she says, looking me up and down. I immediately take a step back.
‘It’s Latin. For the thing I just said.’ I swallow a lump in my throat. Porscha should be a head teacher. She’d be perfect.
‘Cameron. Can we have a word, please?’ She looks sharply at me. ‘We have strict rules about non-disclosure…’
‘That’s not his fault either,’ I blurt. ‘I’m a professional nosy parker. I’m the problem, it’s definitely me not him.’
Taylor Swift really knows her stuff.
‘…and even stricter rules about getting involved with the collateral,’ she carries on as though I’m not there.
‘It was a hug goodbye. Nothing happened,’ says Cam, holding his hands in the air as though he’s been caught at a crime scene.
‘He’s right,’ I say, the disappointment flooding out of me. ‘Absolutely nothing happened. Nothing. It’s borderline shocking.’
This causes Cam to start smirking.
‘I think you’d better leave the adults to do the talking,’ Porscha says condescendingly.
See? Perfect head teacher material.
‘It’s obvious I need to split you two up before one of you makes a fool ofherself.’
‘Now, Porscha. You’re reading way too much into—’ Cam says.
She cuts him off. ‘I think we should send her into the villa if she’s that uncontrollably horny.’
Oh shit.
‘No!’ I am in flight-or-fight mode. ‘My luggage isn’t even here yet. It’s in Dubai. I have no clothes or make-up. I’m a mess. I haven’t even got an all-over tan.’ It’s true. ‘I’ll look dreadful on camera. I’ll get voted off straight away. Surely that wouldn’t make any commercial sense?’
Porscha ignores me. ‘Is she telling me how to run my own show, Cameron?’
It’s like I’m invisible.
‘No. No, of course she isn’t,’ Cam says, defending me. Porscha stands blinking at him. He flashes her a bright smile. It has an instant calming effect on her. She tears her eyes away from him to look at me.
‘So, you do want to go on the show?’
I nod. ‘But it would be great if I could wait until my clothes get here.’
She takes a moment to stare at me. She can’t believe the audacity.
‘Oh, right. Of course. Of course, we’ll hold the entire show up while we wait for your knickers to arrive from… Where did you say you left them?’ She screws her eyes at me. ‘I’ll send a car for you.’ She looks down at her phone, rapidly clicks a few things with her two robotic thumbs and looks back up. ‘Done.’ She waves me off as though dismissing the hired help. ‘By the way, Libby, you should know that any liaisons between a contestant and a member of the crew will result in a breach of contract,’ she goes on to quote verbatim at me. It’s so unnecessary. ‘You’ll be sent home, and the crew member will be sacked immediately.’ She turns to Cam. ‘Without severance pay. I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned it to her. It’s all in the small print.’
‘I will try to keep my wandering libido to myself,’ I say, furious at not being able to tell her where to get off.
‘Please do. Save it for the Islanders.’ She gives me an evil stare. ‘I’ll have a word with wardrobe. I’m sure we can find something suitable.’
It sounds more like a threat than an offer of help.
Nor am I loving her perfect impression of my head teacher. Dismissive. Uncaring. Pompous. It’s as though the whole world revolves around them and their careers.