“Fuck if I know. I’m living vicariously through you. Was the sex good at least?”
For the few minutes that it lasted.I wanted to smack myself for how fucking lame I had been.
“Pretty amazing.” That was all the detail I was willing to offer.
“Nice. Maybe she was just trying to be considerate and let you sleep?”
“I have no earthly idea. First one-night stand—I don’t know how all this shit works.”
“Well, I am mentally high-fiving you.”
Greeted by Tina’s chipper, bouncing self, I trudged into the office that had become the bane of my existence.
“Good morning, boss man.”
“Tina? Do you have a second? I need your help with something real quick.” I couldn’t believe I was going to elicit the help of my secretary, but she was the only person I knew who was single that I felt remotely comfortable enough with to talk to about the world of online dating.
“Sure thing.” She followed me into my office and I shut the door behind us.
“I need your advice on something.” I put my computer bag down and powered on my Mac.
“How can I be of service?” I couldn’t help but notice how her tits nearly sprang out of her fitted blouse as she sank into the arm chair on the other side of my large desk.
I cleared my throat. “Are you on dating apps?”
She nodded as a strawberry hue coated her face and chest. “Why do you ask?”
“As you know, I am recently divorced.”
“Congrats on that, by the way. I heard your ex was kind of a douche canoe.”
I chuckled a bit. “Thanks. She really was awful in the end. Anyway, I haven’t been single in ages and I need someone to show me the ropes on how this whole online dating thing works.”
“Give me your cell.” She held out her hand and I offered up my iPhone. She went right to work, tapping away, and within seconds, she was handing it back to me. “I downloaded the best two I’ve found. All you have to do is set up your profile, upload a few pictures, and bam, you’re ready to start meeting some hot singles.”
“Is it really that easy?”
She nodded. “You’d be surprised how easy apps have made meeting people these days.”
I scrolled through my camera roll, trying to find some decent pictures of myself. Tina came around, looking over my shoulder as I browsed. I tapped on one of me and Noah at our last Fourth of July cookout.
“Not that one.”
I glanced up at her. “Why?”
“One, you look drunk as hell, and two, you don’t want to put group pictures on there. It leaves a girl wondering which one is you. I never swipe right on dudes who have multiple people in their main picture.”
“Swipe right?”
She shot me a sympathetic smile. “When you’re looking at people’s profiles, you swipe right if you like them and left if you don’t. You’ll get the hang of it. Here, let me take your picture. You look cute in a tie.”
“I feel like a fish out of water.” I straightened myself up and grinned cheekily as Tina snapped a photo.
“Perfect. I promise you’re going to be fine. Here, I’ll set up your profile for you.”
“Have at it.”
Tina returned to her seat, biting her lip as she mumbled to herself. “Name, Jack. Birthday, June 1st, 1978. Height, six foot three.”