“Sean? Ready to head out? I’m fucking beat.” Jess popped her head out of the sliding glassdoor.
Handing the half-smoked cigar back to Gavin, I turned to McBee. “Yeah, I need to hit the sack too. Duty calls againtomorrow.”
After we said our goodbyes, I drove Jessica to her apartment building like I had done countless times. This time, though, it felt wrong—I didn’t want her to get out of my car. I didn’t want to drive away from her. I never wanted to spend another second without her right by myside.
“So, I guess this is good night?” She shifted her weight onto her elbow, which rested on the center console in mycar.
I brushed a lock of hair behind her ear before caressing her cheek. “It doesn’t have tobe.”
She bit her lower lip. “Yes. Yes, it does have to be good night. We can’t jump in with both feet here. We need to be smart aboutthis.”
I hated how right she was. I hated that she was going to make good decisions for the both of us when every cell in my body was screaming inprotest.
“Fine.” I rolled my head from side to side. “But know that I do not like this onebit.”
Leaning over, she kissed my cheek. “I couldn’t agree more. Breakfast tomorrow so we can talk abouteverything?”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Call me when you get up.” I squeezed her hand before she started to climb out of the passenger’sseat.
“Sounds like a plan. See you in the morning, Whistler.” Her calling me by my last name was normal—we were cops, it was what we did—but right then, the world shifted and it was not all rightanymore.
“Jess?” I grabbed her hand quickly, stopping her as she was halfway out of thecar.
Wide-eyed, she cocked her head to the side. “Yeah?”
“Please, call me Sean.” Happiness washed over her face at the simple request, and a calm smile played on herlips.
“You got it, Sean.” She blew me a kiss before climbing out of the car and shutting thedoor.
I waited until she was safely behind the security door of her building. I watched as she quickly glanced over her shoulder for one last look at me before the metal door slammed behind her. It was simple but it made my heart skip alittle.
She really does likeme.
* * *
Ibarely slept,replaying the evening over and over in myhead.
What if I completely fuckedup?
What if she regretsit?
What the fuck was Ithinking?
She’s mypartner.
She’ offlimits.
She’s fuckingperfect.
I tormented myself overthinking the entire situation to death, playing out every damn scenario in my head—what would happen if someone saw us, what the captain would do if he found out, how we would tell the captain we were in love and were going to have to bereassigned.
My stomach sank. I felt like a total pansy for how fucking wrecked I was over the entire situation. I was a goddamned basket case. The thing that worried me the most was protecting Jessica’s reputation. I would never want someone in the precinct to think she was easy or aslut.
I tried to think back, and I actually could not remember Jess ever talking about another guy—no past relationships, old boyfriends, or weird sexual conquests. It wasn’t like I was forthcoming on that front either with her, or had much to tell, for thatmatter.
I grabbed my phone. Took a deep breath. Typed out a text and read it over and over before I hit the sendbutton.
Me: There are over eight million people in this city and you are the only one I trulysee.