Staycalm.
He’s ancienthistory.
“Cass?” Ryan sank down into the seat across fromme.
I sat there like an idiot staring at his long beard and hair, his gray whiskers making him look far older than he actually was. He was wearing a black baseball cap, a white t-shirt, a leather cut that matched that of the other guy’s he was with, jeans, and cowboy boots. Other than the hair and cut, he looked just like the old Ryan. Well, he did have sleeves of tattoos now, but I’d always known that wasinevitable.
I could tell the years hadn’t been kind to him, but there he was sitting at the damn table across from me, and I was paralyzed. I had played this moment over and over in my mind for years, praying that Ryan Axston would swoop in and become my knight in shining armor, but I had come to the realization that was a naïve notion…or wasit?
He cleared his throat. “How have you been?” he finally spit out after tearing up a brown napkin with nervoushands.
“Ryan Axston, as I live and breathe. How long has it been?” I let the words come out as nonchalantly as possible. Slowly, I let my eyes meet his. It was a terrible idea. Eye contact was my weakness with him; it got me every damn time, and I had to sit on my hands to hide how badly they wereshaking.
“A little over ten years, I reckon. I’ve been around for a bit, just haven’t felt like seeking peopleout.”
His words stung all the way down to my core. “You’ve been back in Killeen?” Iasked.
He nodded. “Well, more like close by. I’ve been dealing with some demons for a while. Didn’t feel right coming back to these parts until it was all settled for the mostpart.”
The couple and their baby came up to the table. “Ax? Everything all right?” the manasked.
Ryan looked up to his friends. “Raine, Ryder, this is Cassidy Lewis. She and I go way back. She knew me before I was even ajarhead.”
“It’s nice to actually meet you.” Raine beamed over at me with a toothy grin as she lay her sleeping baby down in thestroller.
I waved. “Nice to meet y’all.” Shoving away from the table, I gathered my shopping bags. “I should really go find my friend. I drove her and we need to get the little onehome.”
Ryan shot up to his feet, seizing my left hand with his. He stared down at my ring finger, thumbing the diamond that decorated it. “Have dinner withme.”
I shook my head. “That’s not a good idea,Ryan.”
His eyes were locked on mine as he worked his jaw. I knew he wasn’t going to take the rejection to his demand lightly. “It’s one meal. Please, Cass. For old time’ssake.”
“Go see Nate. He’s the one you should be trying to patch things up with,” I bit back, sharply pulling my hand away fromhis.
Ryder nodded at Ryan knowingly. “See ya at church later,Ax.”
Ryder and Raine said goodbye to us before walking away, pushing their baby’s stroller together. They were seriously a damn adorable couple, and focusing on them helped pull me away from the smoldering stare I could so easily get lostin.
Kevin. RememberKevin.
My fiancé’s face flashed into the back of my mind. One look at Ryan and the love my life was an afterthought.Not good, Cass. Not good atall.
“Ryan…I can’t. We can’t.” I turned to walk away. I could hear his boots hurriedly stomping behindme.
“You know I don’t take no for an answer, Cass.” His low voice came from behind me as I stopped dead in my tracks. “It’s only dinner—what could ithurt?”
Whipping around, I threw my hand in the air, planting it firmly on his chest. I needed to show him I had grown a backbone since I was seventeen. Looking up into his dark eyes, I fought to stay firm in my resolve. “Maybe it’s time you learned that you don’t always get what you want in life, Axston—I sure had to when you never wrote back to me.” I threw the words at him, yelling loudly as he stood there gaping at me. The entire restaurant was staring at thatpoint.
He rubbed the back of his neck before narrowing his gaze as he rubbed the back of his neck. I could see all the things he wanted to say swimming in his eyes, but he just turned and headed for the back door. It felt just like the last time we had seen each other ten yearsbefore.
“Cass,I can’t. I made a promise.” Ryan wrapped his arms around my shoulders as I started to cry into his hardchest.
“I just don’t know why you didn’t tell me you had signed your life away. How could you after what just happened to your brother? What would Cameron have thought?” I blubbered into his shirt as he pulled me in tighter, my mascara leaving black stains on the whitecotton.
“I didn’t want the last few weeks I had at home to be ruined by everyone being worried about me and trying to talk me out of it.” His voice was muffled as he spoke with his lips pressed against the top of myhead.
We sat on the tailgate of his truck in silence as my heart shattered into a million pieces. I had finally gotten the courage to have real feelings for Ryan, and there he was telling me he was leaving for training in less than twelvehours.