I’m going to put together an offer for Noah for when we’re both back in the city, one he can’t refuse.
In order to do that, I need to know everything about literary agencies and the publishing business’s financial capacities so I can make a compelling case.
And then I’ll put it on a silver platter for him.
I hope he doesn’t say no when the time comes.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Noah
I don’t rememberanything about the drive home, but it must have happened as I’m still here and I didn’t crash. I also don’t recall dropping the hire car back and catching the Tube back across London to my flat. It was a good decision to leave, to think and sort everything out in my head, except I can’t. My head is whirring, but I also feel like my mind is in stasis. Looping back over the same thing, the same question. What do I do now?
It’s been like this since I left and Chase kissed me again. I let him, even though I’d already said we shouldn’t. But he’d respected the boundaries I’d put in place all day, even though I could feel the tension coming off him. I could almost hear it hum. I was in work mode all afternoon, so I found it easier to resist him and to focus, but when we’d finished my resolve weakened. The kiss wasn’t like the one earlier, full of excitement and energy. It was soft and tender, like it meant something, and my stomach has been in knots ever since while my head has been full of the same words: serious, committedrelationship. Those are big words to think about. Scary words. Not that Chase is scary, far from it. He feels right, he feels like home, and if I allow myself, maybe I can see a future with him. But I’ve held myself back so much that now I’m afraid to let go, nervous of what the future holds, though his offer to invest to help me get started does hold some appeal. Which is what I should be thinking about, not how his lips felt or how his eyes shone as he looked at me.
My phone rings and I snatch it up, half hoping it’s Chase, but I don’t know what I’ll say to him right now. It’s my dad with his usual Sunday call, and I take a deep breath before I answer.
“Hi, Dad, how’s things?”
“Good.” he answers, and we spend some time catching up, or rather he tells me about his week and I tell himnothingabout mine.
“I ran into Reggie Alderson earlier and he said Rafe was flying in on Tuesday for the UK leg of his book tour.”
Rafe! Fuck! That does snap my head out of my own problems. I’d forgotten about his tour and there’s no way I’m going to let him down.
“Yes, Dad, he’ll be here for four days visiting London, Birmingham, Manchester, and Edinburgh before he flies on to the States.”
“Reggie said as much. Anyway, I’ve invited them over for dinner on Friday night, before he leaves, so I hope you can be here as well.”
“Yes of course, Dad, I’ll be there. Give my love to Mum,” I say before I ring off. I open my laptop and work for the next two hours on the arrangements for the tour and catching up on a few emails from my other clients, cursing myself forallowing Chase to distract me and neglecting them. I ignore the fact that it was me who went in search of Chase. Everything’s in place and finalised for Rafe’s visit. I’ll be accompanying him to the bookshops in the UK, so I make sure we both have our hotel reservations, which I booked months ago, to hand. Also that there are no early complications with his flight out on Saturday morning. I won’t be going with him for that part. Not that I wouldn’t love to, but the agency vetoed it and have contacted someone they know Stateside to go meet him when he arrives and look after him.
I remember the argument I had with Cordelia and Aiden about it at the time, but they wouldn’t budge. They said it wasn’t worth the expense. It had annoyed me then, and I’d let it settle down into acceptance, but now with Chase’s words about their lack of loyalty to me still fresh in my mind, it annoys me once again. Was it me or Rafe who wasn’t worth the cost? But it does bring up another thought. Would I be able to leave everything and accompany a client on a trip to the States if I worked for myself? I don’t know the answer to that, but it makes the whole idea a lot more complicated.
Eventually I’ve done all I can to prepare. I’ll go into the office tomorrow and then on Tuesday I’ll meet Rafe’s flight. From there we’ll go to the London bookshop for a couple of hours before we head up to Birmingham. It’s going to be a busy few days.
I shut down my laptop and get ready for bed. Focusing on work has calmed my brain a little and I’m exhausted after the last few days, something I’m actually grateful for so I can sleep, which I do, dreaming of warm hands and soft lips.
“That went well,”I say to Rafe as we climb into the Uber waiting to take us to Manchester station. We are catching the train to Edinburgh for the last stop before we return to London tomorrow. It went so well that we’re an hour late, because the audience asked so many questions. But we still have time and I have the tickets ready. London and Birmingham were well attended but Manchester was even better.
“Who knew that Estrella would have such a following here.” Rafe says, settling back into his seat and closing his eyes.
“You’d be surprised who they embrace,” I reply and he smiles briefly. I’ve gotten to know Rafe a lot better over the last few days, and if it wasn’t for him being a client, I’d like to think of us as friends. It sometimes feels that way, but I never want to overstep my place. I pull out my phone and check it, my heart leaping as I see there’s a text from Chase. He knows about the trip. I’d let him know on Monday, to explain why I wouldn’t be able to look into his contract until next week, but since then we’ve been exchanging several texts a day. Despite the fact I’ve been using it as an excuse to make sure he’s thinking about his book, we’ve fallen into flirty banter I can’t quite put a stop to. Especially as he often starts or ends his texts with “sweetheart,” which makes my insides go gooey. It’s something that’s never happened to me before, and I crave to hear it again, uttered from his lips. I fire off my reply and a wink emoji before turning my attention back to Rafe.
“Was she as much a character as you portray her to be?” I’ve learned quite a lot about Estrella de Winter over the last few days, even though I’d already read the biography Rafe wrote of course. He cracks open an eye and grins at me.
“If anything, I’ve toned her down. Even though I only knew her for the last few months of her life, she was a force to be reckoned with. I’d loved to have known her in her heyday. She had a way of seeing through all the bullshit we told ourselvesand made us question our own choices. I’m not sure I’d have ever gotten together with Flo and Con if it weren’t for her nudging.” He sighs slightly. I know he’s missing his boyfriends and calls them every night. “She’d have sussed you out straight away.”
“Me?” I ask, confused.
“Yes, you, who picks up his phone constantly and fires off messages with a secret smile and receives them with a blush.”
“Oh! I thought I was being discreet.” I bluster while my cheeks burn hot and he laughs softly.
“Someone special?” he asks invitingly, giving me the opportunity to talk to him if I need to. I could talk to him about Chase. I’ve thought about going to Nate, but I know what his answer will be. Petra? Carter? The trouble is they all know Chase, so I don’t think that’s going to help. I need to confide in someone neutral. I press my lips together and consider it. But in the end I chicken out and ask him something else I want to know the answer to.
“If I were to set up my own agency, would you still want me to be your agent?”
He blinks a couple of times, clearly not expecting me to change the subject.