“You can focus the whole book only on your business,” Tristan says with an authoritative nod. “There are plenty of books that only focus on the business side of successful men’s lives. I doubt anyone’s going to force you to air out any dirty laundry, and if they try you can send them to hell, man. You’re Chase fucking Knightly, you don’t need publishing houses if you don’t want them.”
Strangely, it’s that reassurance that pushes me off the angry ledge.
I don’thaveto write about anything in particular.
I don’thaveto do anything, really.
So what do I want to do, really?
That night, after hours of not talking about myself and catching up on my friends’ lives, I find at least one answer to that question.
Despite the rejection, the humiliation, the doubt and guilt I still feel over my actions, Iwantto keep talking to Noah.
So I take one picture of the library where we were having our evening whiskey, then walk up to my room and get my laptop to finally write him back.
Dear Mr Ellington,
Thank you for the update. I will make sure to check Samantha Faith’s work.
To ensure I have the time and space to give this project the consideration it deserves, I’ve decided to go away from the city for some time.
I will start my research on ghostwriters and other autobiographies in the coming days.
In the meantime, enjoy this picture of my library... it’s full of ancient things.
Kind regards,
Chase
CHAPTER NINE
Noah
My heart skipsa beat when the ping sounds for a new email landing in my inbox. Just the same as it has ever since I sent that email to Chase over twenty-nine hours ago. Not that I’m counting. I take a deep breath and bring up my inbox. And just the same as after each time previously, my heart sinks a little further when I see he hasn’t replied. I yo-yo between thinking it’s only been a day and he’s probably very busy, to it’s been over twenty-four hours and if he wanted to get in touch, he would’ve by now.
The constant switch in my mental state has me on edge and jittery. I’ve managed to keep myself busy all day with details of an upcoming tour that Rafe will be going on for the launch of his latest book. It’s helped to some extent, but now it’s done and I’ve sent off the details to him. It’s nearing the end of the working day and I have no distractions for the evening. My usual activities of reading, or searching catalogues for rare and old books and keeping myself up to date on prices andwhat’s available is not going to work. Mostly because thinking of antiques will remind me of Chase.
Trying to think up something else to do that will keep Chase out of my mind, I almost forget to check the email that came in. It’s from Rafe, asking if I can have a quick call with him as he has some questions about the information I sent him. I know Rafe likes to video call, so I send a quick reply. He gives me a thumbs-up reaction and I open up a call.
“Hi Rafe,” I say as soon as he replies and his face pops up in the window.
“Hi Noah, thanks for replying so quickly. I just have a few things I want to go through if you have time?”
Yeah, I sure as hell don’t have anything else to do. I also have a lot of time for Rafe. He was my first client as an agent. I’m grateful for him signing on with an unknown in the publishing world when he was already an established author. He was having problems with his previous agent and they weren’t interested in a new book idea he had. I admit going from a mystery series to the biography of an aged dancer and actress was a huge change but I was sure I could find a publisher for it. It took me a little time, but I managed to get him a great deal with a small but growing publishing house, and now that the book’s been published and has charted in several countries, the publisher has arranged a book tour of the UK as well as the States next month.
We end up talking for nearly an hour, half talking about the tour and the rest catching up. Rafe has become something of a friend, but as he lives in Barcelona with his two boyfriends, we don’t get to talk often. I’ll be joining him for a few days of the UK leg of his tour, so we also talked about those arrangements. Our fathers know each other and my parents have invited him to dinner while he’s here.
Talking with Rafe is good for me, and by the time we finish I feel much calmer. It’s the longest time I haven’t thought about Chase in the last two days. As I close the call, I notice there’s another email in my inbox. I almost don’t bother checking it out, since anything work related can wait until morning. But of course, knowing it’s there will bring back the unsettled feelings, so I bring up my emails.
I suck in a breath when I see it’s from Chase. Now I have a reply, I’m almost too nervous to open it, and my fingers hover over the keyboard while I try to control the hammering in my chest. I can’t move until I know what it says, good or bad, so eventually I open it. I read it through quickly, ready for the news that he’s not willing to think of the possibility of me becoming his agent. But it’s not that. I read it through again.
He’ll at least continue looking at the ghostwriters, so that’s a start, but he’s left the city. I feel a small annoyance at that, and an image of him walking away from me when he left the lift comes to mind. Like he felt he needed to put distance between us. I’m guessing he’s gone to his country house, or castle as he calls it. It might well be. I know of it, of course, he mentioned the renovations he had done to it when we were at dinner with Nate and Ru.
I read the last sentence through several times before opening the attached picture. I let out a sigh and sit back. Now thatisa library. I’d love to see it. Explore what books he has in his collection. And the last comment, ancient things, is that a hint? He signed it “Chase,” instead of the more formal way I did. This is definitely a good sign, an opening for more communication at least. Maybe even more. Or why else did he send me the picture of what is essentially library porn? He surely knows the effect it would have on me. Ancient things, like our own private joke.
The tightness I’ve had in my chest for two days finally loosens and I can smile. I read through the email one more time. I’m not going to reply tonight, I want to think through how to answer. But I do feel better, and I know I’m finally going to sleep well tonight.
The next morning I wake early, feeling refreshed, and after going through my morning routine I decide to spend the morning working from home before going to the ANC offices later. The first job I want to do is reply to Chase.