Once we’re on the road, we all settle down and make quick work of getting fully out of the city.
Buckinghamshire, where Helvendon Castle is, is less than an hour away from the city but only thirty minutes away from the private airfield they flew into, and since they flew in soearly, we make quick time and are driving through the big iron gates before Tristan can even fall asleep.
They came by for the first time last November, only a few weeks after the renovations were all done, but I kept them very informed during the whole restoration process, so they know the way to the rooms I’ve assigned as theirs, but I still walk up with them anyway.
I have to smile when Gab sucks hard on her straw and the last few drops of coffee make enough noise going up to have Tristan groaning two steps behind us.
He might be the youngest of us, but he’sseriousabout his sleep.
Gab wasn’t even like that when she had newborn twins, just like Harry was also pretty laid-back when his second child, Iris, was born and he was her single father.
Harry wasn’t super hands-on with his first son, Theo, but we don’t hold it against him—mostly—because we were all still kids when he got one of our hookups pregnant, and it’s not like he was a deadbeat dad.
I shudder at the reminder that I had sex with Mary Crawford—a truly terrible human being.
Tristan might be the newest member of our group—he only joined four years ago when he met Harry and made his life infinitely better—but he’s one of us all the same, which means Gab’s as much of an asshole to him as she’s always been to Harry and me.
Ever since we met on our first day at Harvard, it’s been the three of us against the world.
That changed over the years, of course, because of a few... situations.
I don’t know why I’m in such a melancholic state with them here, but I can’t help thinking about all those decisions that have led us here... to a place where we can’t really just hang out whenever we feel like it. There always has to be a plan, and secrecy.
First, Harry got Mary pregnant and she demanded he stop hanging out with me, a very hypocritical stance for her to take since she willingly took part in a threesome with both of us—andenjoyed it, thank you very much—and that’s not even close to the worst thing she’s done.
Second, my brother decided to become a villain, and I fell for his tricks like an idiot, so I fled the country.
Then, Harry and Gab both bought football franchises at the same time and didn’t tell each other until it was announced to the world—two very stupid decisions made by otherwise smart people.
To this day, Harry and Gab can’t really be seen hanging out because of the League rules for owners, and it doesn’t help that I live on the other side of the world.
Harry and I worked our shit out, and I haven’t found a reason to hunt down my brother and use him as a punching bag. Therefore, I make regular trips to visit them, and they come over here about twice a year for our secret retreats, but it’ll never be like it used to.
So, they have to hide their friendship from the public and the media, and in private the three of us get to be... us.
The master bedroom of the castle really was made for royalty, and I didn’t change it much during the restoration.
The big sitting room is inviting, and makes me feel like I’ve got people coming over rather than being lonely. The bed isas big as the one I have at home, and the bathrooms have all the amenities available.
It’s truly become my sanctuary, this castle I bought on a whim.
It could’ve turned out to be a very stupid investment, but I took the restoration seriously, as did every person I hired to work on it.
As I get into bed to get a couple more hours of sleep—since I couldn’t stop thinking abouteverythinglast night and didn’t get much sleep then—I smile at the thought that maybe someday this could be my forever home.
One where all my friends can come and be safe, be themselves.
As I close my eyes, the shapeless shadow that always stands next to me in my dreams takes shape for the first time.
I startle awake,and I don’t know exactly why until my head clears.
I was dreaming about something . . .
Something to do with the castle?
There was a party, I think. Everyone was here, even the twins. They looked at me like they liked me in the dream, like they actuallyknewme.
In a good way, not in a terrifying way.